Because I did not go the right path in performing my duty, I once lost the working of the Holy Spirit for two months, and it took me great effort to recover it. Since then, I was fearful that I might be deserted by the Holy Spirit again, and I became oversensitive.
One day, a sister and I went shopping for some daily necessities. We shopped around, and several hours passed before we realized it. After we came back, I picked up the book of God’s word, intending to do some spiritual devotions. But my heart just could not be quiet. I read for quite a while but did not take in anything. I only felt that my mind was a blank and I was very far from God. Then, I became afraid: My state was quite good before I went shopping. How come it becomes like this after I came back? Am I being chastised by God because I spent a long time shopping? Or am I detested by God because I expressed some corruption when shopping? I must examine myself immediately lest I lose the working of the Holy Spirit again. So, I kept examining myself. But no matter how I examined, I could not find out what was wrong with me. Then I became upset: “Ay! Wherein have I offended God?”
I was compelled to tell my state to the sister coordinating with me. She then found out two passages of God’s word for me to read: “Some people were in a good condition, but when they did a small thing wrong, they thought that they were chastised by God. In fact, God did not do that, and it was their mentation. … Many times people became passive in this way, and they thought that it was God’s chastisement. God said: ‘I did no work of chastisement on you; why do you blame it on me?’ People have too much passivity, and they are often oversensitive and often complain against God. God does not want you to undergo such suffering, but you yourself fall into such a state. Such suffering is too worthless. Because people do not know the work God does, they are ignorant and cannot discern in many things, and thus they fall into their own thoughts, falling deeper and deeper. …as you are stuck in your own notions, the Holy Spirit has no way to work on you.” “If concerning God’s name, God’s testimony, or God’s work, you commit evil acts, he will not let you off. But there is a limit; in trifling things, he does not discipline you and does not pay attention to you….”
After reading these words, I felt brightened all at once. God chastises and disciplines people by principles and within a sphere. God disciplines people only in the things which have to do with God’s name, God’s testimony, or God’s work. In the course of my doing shopping, I neither delayed performing my duty nor damaged the interests of God’s family nor put God’s name to shame. So God would not chastise or discipline me in such a trifling matter. After I came back from the shopping, I was in an abnormal spiritual condition, could not read God’s word, and could not quiet my heart; that was because when I chose and bought the things, my heart was occupied by those matters and became distant from God and thus my spiritual state was a little influenced. At this time, if I consciously adjusted myself and initiatively cooperated with God and quieted my heart, I would be able to restore my normal state. However, I was oversensitive and fell into suspicion and imagination, thinking that it must be because I had offended God somewhere that my spiritual state became abnormal; and so I kept searching for the reasons and underwent some unnecessary suffering. I was really too foolish and ignorant!
In retrospect, because I did not know the principles of the Holy Spirit’s working and the principles of God’s chastising and disciplining people, in my experience I often took the circuitous way without knowing it, and I often became passive because of failing to find out disobedience or lack in me, causing my life to suffer loss in varying degrees. From now on, I will try to equip myself more with every aspect of the truth, so that in my experience I can gain knowledge and discernment and become spiritually mature and experienced, so that I can cast off my foolishness and ignorance and know how to experience in any circumstance and maintain a normal relationship with God at all times, and so that I can soon enter the right track of life experience.
Zhuanghe City, Liaoning Province