Whenever I hear the brothers and sisters fellowship that God’s nature is majestic, wrathful, holy, and intolerant of man’s offense, I will blurt out, “Indeed, God’s nature is not to be offended!”
Uplifted by God, I did the work of supervision and examination. Due to the need of the work, I often had to stay in a place for a fortnight or a month. Some time ago, because the circumstances were special, I stayed in a place for two months. During this period, no one from above called me to ask about my condition, nor did anyone come to fellowship with me about God’s present will. Thus, I always felt myself very wretched, and at the same time I had silent complaints in my heart. Hence, I always had a perfunctory attitude in performing my duty, and I even thought of rejecting God’s commission, not wanting to do anything. One day, the small-district leader dropped in on me. She asked me, “Have any difficulty?” “Yes,” I replied, “I just feel very tired now. I don’t want to do anything, for doing anything takes care.” Then she talked a lot with me in light of my state, but I did not take in anything. I thought to myself: I have been passive for such a long time, but God has not disciplined me. Let me go on this way.
The next early morning, unexpectedly, when I was brushing my teeth, I suddenly felt a little pain in the waist. Later the pain became worse and worse. But I, who was careless, did not touch God’s intention, and even less did I realize that it was God’s discipline. By night time, half of my body was simply too painful to move. Lying on the bed, I tried to turn my body and gave it a slight lift. Ouch! I really can’t move now! I could hardly bear the pain, and I felt very afraid: Have I come down with hemiplegia so young? Right then, God inspired me within: Don’t you hate to do anything? “I am a consuming fire and not to be offended by man. Because all men are created by me, they must obey whatever I say and do and must not rebel against it. …” “And many people do not feel shameful for their evil, but on the contrary they go even further, completely and thoroughly tearing up their ugly face they did not completely expose to test my nature.” My heart got a sudden shock: Have my words offended God’s nature? Has God’s wrath come upon me? At the moment, I was so frightened that I sweated coldly all over and burst into a flood of tears, lying on my stomach. I felt remorseful for having tested God’s nature. Then, I exerted all my strength and managed to half lie and half kneel on the bed and cried to God: “O Almighty God! I know I have no face to come before you, and even less am I qualified to beseech you, for I have tested your nature and offended you. I did not have any fear of you. You arranged the circumstance for me to learn lessons and gain truths from it. However, I not only did not consider your kind intention, but I complained against you and acted recklessly to test your nature. According to my attitude toward you today, I should have been punished by your righteous nature. O God, today you have given me such a discipline; though my flesh is unbearably painful, I have known from it that your nature is intolerant of man’s offense; even more, it has made me have a fear of you and see your salvation and great love for me.”
After the prayer, my clothes were drenched in sweat. I felt in a daze and my eyes were too swollen to open. Such suffering I had never tasted before. In those several days, I prickled all over, and could not crouch or sleep, and I even had much difficulty in going to the toilet; when I sat, I had to lean on half of my body. The sister of the host family asked me to go to the hospital. But I knew clearly how the illness came, so I did not go. I just kept praying and reading God’s word. On the third evening, the pain in my waist lessened obviously. On the fourth day, my waist completely returned to normal. From the bottom of my heart, I thanked God that his chastening and discipline had roused me.
Through this discipline, I have gained a little real knowledge of God’s nature and also had a trace of fear of God. I have known that God’s nature is holy and is not to be offended, and that God’s love cannot be fully described in words. In my future experience, I will accept God’s searching in everything and let God enjoy a little bit of comfort from my only trace of fear.
Huaibei City, Anhui Province