For a long time, I often felt unbalanced in my heart as I could not hear many fellowships in the church. I always thought: Every time the small-district leader goes to an upper-level meeting, he attends it for three to four days; when the church leader goes to a meeting, she attends it for two to three days; when she holds a meeting for our small group, it lasts only one day. The leaders eat a “plateful” in a meeting, and only a “spoonful” is left for us. As we receive little, won’t we all “starve to death”? How can we be perfected? So I was full of complaints within.
One day, I read God’s words: “The true way has been bestowed to you, but whether you can gain it in the end depends on your own pursuit.” “You should know that if someone can achieve success, it is because of his own doings, and if someone cannot achieve success but suffers failure, it is also caused by his doings, not by any other factors.” Then I read in the man’s fellowship these words: “God is righteous toward everyone. Whether one will be perfected is determined by how he pursues the truth, how he accepts and obeys God’s work, and how much price he will pay. God does not treat anyone unfairly; the truth does not treat anyone unfairly. More pains, more gains; less pains, less gains; no pains, no gains.” “If you do not pursue the truth, the Holy Spirit will not work on you and God will not pay attention to you; if you pursue the truth, the Holy Spirit will work on you and God will grace you. The kingdom of heaven is taken by forcefully pursuing the truth, so whether you can be saved by God mainly depends on your own efforts. You have to pursue the truth in a down-to-earth manner, pay the price really and practically, forsake your flesh and practice the truth, and take the initiative to cooperate with the work of the Holy Spirit. Moreover, you have to endure the torment of various kinds of sufferings, tribulations, and refining. Only by doing so can you receive the working of the Holy Spirit and the care and keeping of God.”
Having read these words, I realized this: Whether one can gain the truth and be perfected does not depend on how many preachings he has heard or how many days of meetings he has had. Rather, it depends on whether he is a pursuer of the truth and whether he is willing to suffer and pay the price to gain the truth. Apart from these, there is no other factor to influence it. God is righteous and he never treats anyone unfairly; he has bestowed the true way to everyone who follows him. Whoever pursues the truth and is willing to suffer and pay the price to gain the truth, the Holy Spirit will work on him, and he will be able to enter into the reality of God’s word and gain the truth and be perfected by God. Whoever does not pursue the truth and is unwilling to suffer and pay the price to gain the truth, the Holy Spirit will desert him. However, I thought that if one wanted to gain more truths, he had to hear more preachings and have more days of meetings; otherwise, he would gain few truths. Now I see that my viewpoint was so erroneous and ridiculous. I did not know to make subjective effort and suffer and pay the price to pursue to gain the truth, but always paid attention to the objective circumstance and even became passive and uttered complaints because of that. If I am a pursuer of the truth and pay attention to spending efforts on God’s word and living out the reality of God’s word, God will grace me and the Holy Spirit will inspire and guide me to understand and enter into various truths. If I am not a pursuer of the truth and don’t pay attention to practicing the truth, then even if I hear more fellowships, they are only letters and doctrines to me, and they cannot bring any benefit to my growth in life and transformation in nature but can only make me more and more arrogant. On reflection, the leaders’ meetings lasted longer because they had to fellowship about many things concerning the work; as to the truths concerning life entering they fellowshipped about in each meeting, our leader fellowshipped about them with us, without missing any of them. Just because I was governed by the erroneous viewpoint “the more fellowships one hears, the more truths he will gain,” I always set my heart on the lengths of the meetings. I always fussed about these things, but did not put time and effort in pursuing the truth and practicing God’s word. I was really unreasonable and lacked common sense!
Thank God for his inspiration. It has corrected my erroneous viewpoint and the deviation in my pursuit, so that I have gained some knowledge of God’s substance of righteousness and faithfulness and also understood how to gain the truth. From now on, I will submit to God’s control and arrangement, pursue the truth in a down-to-earth manner, suffer and pay the price really and practically, pursue to enter into the reality of God’s word, and pursue to gain more truths, so as to be perfected by God.
Tonghua City, Jilin Province