After God uplifted me to perform duty as a small-district assistant, I made a resolution inwardly: I will seize this opportunity and do my best to cooperate with God and care for God’s will, so as to repay God’s love and comfort God’s heart. In the meetings, the leader often said, “If we want to do our duties well, we can’t depart from God’s word or the work arrangements. In taking charge of the gospel work and the church life, we should not incline to the left or the right.” However, I thought: Any other work in God’s family serves the gospel work. What counts is to gain more people in preaching the gospel; this is God’s will. Only doing this is being faithful in duty. Then, each time I held a leaders’ meeting or deacons’ meeting, I talked an awful lot about the gospel work; as to the church life, I fellowshipped a little about it if there was time left, and if not, I just ignored it. Every day I kept running around, spending most of my energy on the gospel work. So two months passed by. We did gain some people in the gospel work, but the church life was in a total mess: Some people did not come to the meetings, and those who came felt the church life unenjoyable. When encountering something in their actual experience, the brothers and sisters judged it as it stood and got bogged down in it. They performed their duties according to their own ideas, and they merely ran around outwardly but paid no attention to their own entering in…. Facing such a situation of the church, I felt worried and vexed: How come the brothers and sisters have become like this? They’ve believed in God for so long, but why is it that they do not care for God’s will in the slightest nor pay attention to their own transformation?
Later at a meeting, the leader pointed out the deviation in my work by saying, “You work according to your own ideas. You only attend to the gospel work but ignore the church life. You, the assistant, have virtually become a second-line director. If you do not work according to the principles of God’s family, even if you run your legs off and break your back, God won’t approve you. On the contrary, he will say that you are an evildoer.” At these words, my head buzzed. I thought, “Wasn’t it to gain more people to comfort God’s heart that I painstakingly worked and expended myself? How come I have become an evildoer and a person resisting God?” Just then, God’s words arose in my mind: “If people who serve God act according to their disposition and their own will, they will be in danger of being eliminated at any time. … Even if you run your legs off, break your neck, and are even martyred for ‘serving’ God, God will not approve you at all. On the contrary, he will say that you are one who does evil.” The disclosure of God’s words made me recall involuntarily all that I did in this period. Ever since I accepted this commission, I have not paid attention to taking care of the church life. I thought in my imagination that God would be pleased so long as I gained more people in the gospel work, and it did not matter if I did poorly in other aspects. Wasn’t it my own idea to do so? The responsibility of an assistant is to water people with the truth and solve the difficulties in their life entering in. I only paid attention to taking care of the gospel work; didn’t I depart from God’s requirement? Was I not going against the work arrangement? Through the disclosure of God’s words and the dealing by the surrounding people, matters, and things, I have seen that I was serving God according to my own ideas and following in Paul’s steps. Such a pursuit is really loathsome to God. If I do not correct this way of pursuing, I will be in the danger of being eliminated at any time. O God, I am willing to correct my erroneous way of service. In my future service, I will do the work strictly according to your word and the work arrangements, pay attention to knowing myself, and pursue to be transformed in my nature to satisfy you.
Handan City, Hebei Province