Because of the need of the work, I came to stay in an elderly sister’s home. In the daytime I was busy performing my duty, and after coming back in the evening, I only cared to do spiritual devotions by myself, and seldom sat down to fellowship with the sister of the host home.
One evening at supper, I saw the sister seemed to have something on her mind, but I paid no attention to that. After supper, I went back into my room and began my spiritual devotions. A little while later, the sister came in and said to me, “My elder sister is seriously ill and she’s in the hospital now. I’m too emotional to drop her. My heart is greatly refined and I want to have a fellowship with you.” “OK,” I replied with my mouth, but I thought in my heart, “In the daytime I was busy and had no time to read God’s word. In this little evening time, I want to do some spiritual devotions. How can I have time to chat with you! Besides, you talk garrulously and endlessly and will waste too much of my time.” When the sister began to fellowship with me, I wished her to end her talk soon, so that I could fellowship with her and finish earlier, and thus less of my time for spiritual devotions would be wasted. As my intent was wrong, the state of the elderly sister was not solved. Later, she left my room sullenly. Then I took the book of God’s word again and began to read. However, my spirit was darkened somehow and I could not read God’s word. At the time, I had to come before God and examine myself. In my seeking, I suddenly remembered the thoughts and ideas that emerged in me when I fellowshipped with the elderly sister a moment before. And I couldn’t help recalling what my leader fellowshipped with us recently: “Wherever we go, we can’t be too selfish and heartless. Being selfish and heartless means a very bad humanity. To care for each other and help each other and have love, this is humanity. God has never left us. If we have received a little from God but are unwilling to help others, are we fair with the people who receive us? When we go to a host home or meet the brothers and sisters, we should help them if we can and supply them if we can, and have some good deeds.” Checking my behavior and thinking of my mentality toward the elderly sister, I realized that the Holy Spirit had hidden his face from me because my intent was loathed by God. At the moment, my conscience was rebuked sharply. During the period of tribulation, to preserve the circumstances and ensure security, the sister of the host home can’t go out to have meetings and others can’t come to sustain her, so she can only do spiritual devotions by herself at home. Today she meets a difficulty; how she longs to have someone to help and sustain her! But since I came to stay in the elderly sister’s home, every day after I came back I only knew to do my own spiritual devotions, and I did not have any burden for her life entering in. Even though I saw she was unhappy, I was unwilling to take the initiative to ask her what happened and show her some care. Even when she herself came to fellowship with me, I thought that she was garrulous and would waste my time. I was really too selfish, too heartless, and too bad in humanity. Today the elderly sister receives me only for the sake of God. I eat and drink at her home and enjoy everything here, but I could not care for and help her in spirit and could not testify about God’s love. Do I have any human kindness? My behavior has brought great shame to God’s name. At the moment, the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the rebuke of conscience caused me to shed tears of remorse. I bowed down before God and repented to God: “O God, I’m really unworthy of your many years of cultivating and watering me, and unworthy of the elderly sister’s love for me. I am such an inhumane person. Who would be willing to receive me if not for your sake? I really do not deserve to enjoy all these things you give me. From now on, I will pursue the transformation of my nature, pursue to live out a normal humanity in my real life, and be a kindhearted and humane person, to make you easy and satisfied.”
After the prayer, my heart was very peaceful and brightened. Then I got up and went to the room of the elderly sister. In light of her state, we ate and drank and enjoyed a piece of God’s word. At last, the elderly sister’s face broke into a gratified smile.
Tieling City, Liaoning Province