Since childhood, I had lived in a happy family. After I accepted the work of the Almighty God, though I gave up my studies and performed my duty in God’s family, I could still enjoy the warmth of my home and the care of my parents. Every day, when I went out to perform my duty, my father and mother told me again and again: “Ride slowly on the road, and be careful. If it’s late or if it’s a long distance, come back by bus. Don’t get overtired.” And when I returned home, they asked me with even greater concern, “Are you tired? Are you cold? What do you like to eat? …” So I had been performing my duty in the environment full of loving care.
But God knew my need too well. In July 2002, God suddenly raised up a circumstance and “drove” me out of my home (God’s family assigned me to leave my home to perform my duty). My father and mother saw me off at the station with reluctance. The flying bus carried me to a small county town. When I got off the bus, I found that the town was very old with dust swirling everywhere. Thinking that I would have to live in such an environment from then on, I, who was used to high buildings and large mansions, could not help feeling a thrill of sadness. Then I came to the host family (a one-believer family and the sister was ill). It was the period of dog days, yet the sister’s house was without screen windows or screen doors. That evening, her unbelieving husband set a spring bed in the passageway and asked me to make do with it. I said, “Ok! Ok!” But I thought to myself: Alas! How will I go through this night? At this time I missed all the more my parents and the comfortable circumstances at home. My mind was in turmoil: Go home? No! Refusing the commission of God is rebelling against God seriously. Not go back? This is just the first day, and the days to come are numerous. What should I do? All night long, I considered and planned for my flesh; and I complained inwardly about everything here….
The next day, I went to have a meeting. Because my mood was not good, I saw that the brothers and sisters in the church were all disagreeable to me. On my way back it began to rain. People in the street all ran home in a hurry. In this hour, I again thought of my parents, thought of the delicious meals, and even more thought of my warm, comfortable home. At that time, I really wanted to get away from this environment and go home to enjoy the care of my parents. But then I thought: Isn’t God suffering together with us on earth? So I prayed to God in the rain, “O God, strengthen me. Now I’m very weak, and I miss my home very much. But I can’t draw back. I’m willing to satisfy you.” Then God inspired me to remember the hymn “Away From Home I Perform My Duty”: “Away from home I perform my duty/I have known the hardships of God’s working/Away from home I perform my duty/I have understood more truths/Away from home I perform my duty/I have learned to live independently/Away from home I perform my duty/To repay God’s love …” Previously, I had often fellowshipped with others: Christ has undergone all kinds of sufferings for mankind and wandered years without a place to lay her head…. How much God has suffered for us, and how much rejection and slander of men God has undergone.… We should have a conscience and should know to repay God’s love. Only today did I know that what I had talked in the past were all doctrines. In God’s exposing, I saw that I was a person who only desired to have fleshly enjoyment but was unwilling to suffer. God has come to earth from heaven, which is in itself the greatest suffering. And today, he has no one to understand him and has no place to call home. O God, you have been working for more than ten years. How have you gone through these more than three thousand days and nights? You have never said anything about it to anyone but have been enduring all this in silence. This is where you are most lovely. At this thought, my tears gushed forth in floods. God is so lovely! God is so worthy of man’s love! If God had not arranged such a circumstance for me, how could I have experienced God’s love and the hardships of God’s working? Besides, I perform my duty for myself to be saved. Isn’t it most meaningful for me to undergo this suffering?
After I returned to the host home, I read God’s words: “When God lives in the flesh, no matter how difficult his work is or how weak his flesh is, he will not do anything that frustrates God’s own work, much less give up the will of God the Father and disobey, and he would rather suffer in the flesh than act against the will of God the Father.…” From this passage, I received inspiration: Christ has come to earth and set an exempar for us. However difficult her work is or however weak her flesh is, she will not give up the will of God the Father and disobey. I looked at the painstaking care and the price Christ has paid on mankind, and then looked at all the difficulties I faced—what were they? I also understood that as a tiny creature, I should let God manipulate me and should not have my own choice. Since God put me in this environment, there must be his good purpose. This environment is most suitable for me. When I thought of this, I no longer complained about the poor conditions here.
Now I have been here for over a year. I feel that I have grown more mature than before, understood many truths, and also realized God’s kind intention of saving men. Although my flesh has undergone some sufferings, I feel from my heart that such a life is worthy and meaningful.
Liaocheng City, Shandong Province