I Misunderstood God’s Heart
Uplifted by God, both my family sister (my wife) and I performed our duties away from home.
Not long ago, with the demands of the work, my family sister was selected as a leader. She phoned and informed me that I was to go back to our hometown to perform my duty, and thus I could preserve the circumstances of our family incidentally. Yet, her words seemed to me like a thunderclap out of a clear sky, and I was so shocked that my head was in “buzz.” I only felt my heart beating fast and my mind was in a complete turmoil: I am to go back to my hometown to perform my duty? How come it is so? After hanging up, I walked in the street with heavy steps, like one without soul. In my heart I was seething with grievance: In the Age of the Grace, it was always I who dragged my family sister forward. And after we accepted the Almighty God, I lived frugally and did my best to support her in performing her duty in other places. Now her commission is growing greater and greater and she is getting closer and closer to being perfected by God, whereas I am getting closer and closer to my home. Doesn’t this mean that I have less and less hope of being perfected? Then my misunderstanding about God became even more serious: It seems that God does take one and leave the other, and perfect one and eliminate the other. I am possibly the one to be cast away. I felt weak and limp all over, greatly aggrieved and distressed in my heart. I could do nothing but confide to God silently: “O Almighty God! When I encounter this matter, I can’t see through it, but I’m unwilling to become one to be eliminated and cast away. You know my weakness and my state. I have fallen into passivity and have no way to get out of it. May you inspire me in this matter and let me understand your intention. I’m willing to obey any arrangement of yours, pursue to satisfy you, and fulfill the duty that I should fulfill.” At that moment, I remembered these words of God, “Everyone has the opportunity to be perfected. As long as you are willing and as long as you pursue, in the end the results will be produced on every one of you, and none of you will be cast away.” “You should know that if someone can achieve success, it is because of his own doings, and if someone cannot achieve success but suffers failure, it is also caused by his doings and is not affected by any other factors.” I woke up suddenly, and gained confidence and strength all at once. Yes, whether one can be successful or not depends on his pursuit, but I stubbornly ran into the blind alley. I was really foolish. Since God says “Everyone has the opportunity to be perfected,” my family sister, who performs her duty away from home, can be perfected by God. Won’t I, who perform my duty in my hometown and preserve the circumstances of our family to resolve her worries behind, also be able to be perfected by God? With the duties, there is no distinction of being great or petty, noble or base. Whether one can be perfected by God in the end depends on whether he pursues the truth and gains the transformation of his nature. Not until then did I realize that my passivity and weakness were caused because I misunderstood God. I also understood that as long as one pursued sincerely, God would not eliminate him. At that moment, I even more hated myself for being numb and obtuse and not understanding God’s intention, which caused God to grieve over me. O Almighty God! Now I have understood your intention. I am willing to obey your manipulation and arrangement. No matter where you put me, I will actively pursue to make progress, equip myself with more truths, perform my duty properly, and pursue to be perfected by you.
Baoji City, Shaanxi Province