I was a very arrogant and self-right person. I always did the work by relying on my quality and imagination, with no place for God in my heart, and without paying any attention to God’s requirements or the work arrangements. In God’s exposing and dealing and pruning, and inspiration and enlightenment, I saw my arrogant inherent nature and prostrated myself before God.
When I first took charge of the work, I felt deep in my heart that truly God had uplifted me, and then I decided to go at it hammer and tongs. Especially in the face of the gospel work, I had already had a plan in my heart: I will first establish the first-line team, then train its members, and then let the first-line team train the second-line team…. In this way, a gospel-preaching team will gradually come into being, to open up our working area as soon as possible. Immediately I started my action. At that time, I had put behind me the word the above said: “Mobilize the brothers and sisters and let each of them rise up to preach the gospel.” I always thought, “Here all are new believers and have no experience in preaching the gospel. Without being trained, how can they preach the gospel effectively?” Thus I didn’t lay stress on the gospel work of the churches at all. Consequently, the gospel work in our working area never improved; and the result of it was ranked the last among all the working areas. During that period of time, many brothers and sisters who took charge of the work together with me said that the reason for my failure was mainly that I did not mobilize the brothers and sisters. But I always held on to the notion “In our area all are new believers and have no experience in preaching the gospel.” At this time, the leader sent me a note, which said: “You do not stress the gospel work and you’ve delayed the major undertaking. Your service is exactly the same as that of the failures in the past. If you still do not stress the gospel work, you will be replaced….” This time I realized the gravity of the problem. So, I calmed down and prayed to God: “O God, why is it that I have paid so much price but have never achieved results? Is what I did not after your heart? Wherein am I wrong? I am willing to quiet my heart before you and seek your will. May you guide me.” Afterward, I took up the book of God’s word, and read these words: “You serve God by your natural disposition and according to your own preferences, but you always think that what you desire is what God is pleased with and what you do not desire is what God loathes, and you work completely according to your own preferences. Is this serving God? … If people who serve God act according to their disposition and their own will, they will be in danger of being eliminated at any time.” And then in the work arrangement “The Principles People Must Know in Serving God,” I read these words: “To do the work of serving God is not to do the work of your own but to do the work committed by God. Since you do the work committed by God, you must do it according to God’s requirements so that you can satisfy God’s heart’s desire. … If you do the work of God’s family according to your own ideas, you will definitely disrupt God’s work and can never achieve the results God requires. If you work that way, won’t you become one who serves God and yet resists God?” Under the guidance of God’s words and the work arrangement, I saw my arrogance and my self-rightness. Thinking back to everything I did and the warning of the brothers and sisters, I, who was arrogant and self-right, saw that I had no place for God in my heart at all. I also saw that I was not serving God but was doing the work of resisting God according to my own ideas. Even more, I saw the dangerous consequences of my serving in such a way. I fell down in shame before God: “O God, under your exposing, dealing, and pruning, I have known myself. I see that I did things always according to my disposition and my own ideas, and that I had no regard for your arrangements at all. I was really too arrogant. I was in no way a person who serves you! I did not have any place for you in my heart. O God, I am willing to submit before you and work according to your requirements and the work arrangements.”
After that, I began to correct the viewpoint of the brothers and sisters according to the work arrangements. One month later, the result of the work improved miraculously, and it turned from being the last to being the first. Then the brothers and sisters in various places all phoned and asked me what secrets I had. At the moment, however, I felt extreme pain and great repentance. I fell down before God once again: “O God, because of my arrogance and self-rightness, and because of my disobedience, what a great loss I have made your work suffer! How many souls have lost the opportunities to be saved! How can I make compensation for such a loss? O God, all this was caused by my disobedience. In the future working, I will work strictly according to your work arrangements, be a person who serves you properly, and complete the commission you have given me. O God, may your exposing and your dealing and pruning often come upon me, so that I can soon become one who is fit for you to use, and thereby satisfy your heart’s desire.”
Shijiazhuang City, Hebei Province