Once, the sister coordinating with me pointed out to me my defect, “You’re too emotional toward anyone. Because of your emotion, you can’t uphold righteousness….” At that time, though I acknowledged it with my lips, I was unconvinced in my heart: I’m not as seriously emotional as you said. As I did not know myself, God exposed me with a fact.
Lately, God’s family assigned me to revise the articles from two small districts. When I saw that the articles from one of the small districts were not only poor in quality but also very small in quantity, I thought, “I must immediately write to the leader of this small district and ask her to go on with her fellowship and mobilization.” One day, I happened to meet this small-district leader in a host home. Not until we met did I know that she was a sister whom I knew very well before. During our conversation, I learned that she suffered an ordeal in this period because the result of the gospel work could not go up. I thought, “She is already being tormented because the gospel work is unfruitful; if I tell her the work concerning the articles is also unfruitful, how can she bear it?” So, I smothered all the words that I had wanted to say. At that time I was conscious that my doing so was not after God’s heart, but then I thought: She is quite distressed; I’d better drop it.
During my spiritual devotions that evening, in the man’s fellowship attached to Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers, I read this passage: “A too emotional person cares about only his fleshly emotions but not the interests of God’s family. A too emotional person can only hurt God’s heart, because he cannot put the truth into practice and does not safeguard the interests of God’s family. A too emotional person has no place for God in his heart, nor does he love the truth; he values the friendship above everything else and put his personal interests first. Thus, when in tribulation, a too emotional person can betray the truth and betray God. This is because when he cares for his flesh, he barters away the truth. In order to satisfy the interests of his relatives and friends, he can do anything. Therefore, if one with too strong emotion does not repent and have himself transformed, he will become a trash, without any use.”
Having read this, I could not help feeling a shock. Am I not such a person? In the matter today, didn’t I put my personal interests first and value the friendship above everything else? Wasn’t this the manifestation of not practicing the truth and not upholding righteousness? Then, I had to quiet my heart to examine myself: When the brothers and sisters and my relatives and friends were equally confronted with difficulties in their experiences, I always dealt with the problems of my relatives and friends first. When the brothers and sisters complained about the difficulties in their work, I always showed consideration for their flesh. When the brothers and sisters whom I knew well or my relatives and friends did something against the principles or the truth, in order to safeguard my fleshly relationships with them I always shielded them or covered up for them…. The more I thought, the more I became afraid. Because of my emotion, I put the interests of God’s family aside. Because of my emotion, I disregarded the truth entirely. Because of my emotion, I did not hesitate to barter away the truth and morality and justice. There was no place for God in my heart, and all my doings resisted God. If I continue this way, some day I will betray the truth and betray God’s family because of my emotion. Then, the consequence will be unimaginable.
O God, thank you for your practical exposing. It has made me realize that I am a person who only cares about his emotion but does not uphold righteousness and does not have principles. Emotion is the greatest enemy to my practicing the truth, and it can drive me to rebel against righteousness and resist you. O God, I don’t want to resist you anymore. I am willing to spend a great effort on knowing myself and pursuing the truth, and pay attention to the transformation of my nature. In every matter I encounter, I will put the interests of your family first. I will take practicing the truth to satisfy you as my principle, forsake my flesh resolutely, and never again do such a wicked thing to be loathed by you.
Rizhao City, Shandong Province