During the previous period, though I ate and drank God’s word regularly, I always felt that I did not have any light. I prayed to God for that, but afterward I still received no inspiration. Then I thought, “I’ve eaten and drunk what I should eat and drink. As God does not inspire me, there is nothing I can do. I don’t have the organ to understand God’s word. God has his time to inspire man, so it’s no use my being anxious.” Since then, I ate and drank God’s word lukewarmly like observing a regulation, waiting for God’s inspiration “patiently.”
One day, I read God’s words: “Only if your heart is quiet before God will you achieve results in pursuing the truth and the transformation of your nature. This is because you come before God with a burden, always feeling that you lack too much, that there are many truths you need to know and many realities you need to experience, and that you ought to care for God’s heart. You always have these things in your heart, as if you would be overburdened by them, and thus you feel heavy about them in your heart. (But it is not a passive state.) Only such a person is qualified to receive inspiration from God’s word and receive moving from God’s Spirit. Because of his burden and his heavy heart, that is, because of the price he pays and the sufferings he undergoes before God, he receives God’s inspiration and enlightenment. This is because God does not show favoritism to anyone, and he always treats man fairly, but he does not bestow to man lightly or give to man unconditionally. This is one aspect of his righteous nature.”
Pondering over this passage, I understood this: God is a righteous God, and he never bestows on man lightly or gives to man unconditionally. If one wants to receive God’s inspiration and enlightenment, he must quiet his heart before God, have a thirsting and seeking heart for God’s word, have a burden for his life, find in God’s word what he lacks, and eat and drink God’s word with an aim and a burden for caring for God’s heart and entering further into the truth. Only by paying a price and cooperating with God in such a practical way can he receive God’s inspiration. I thought back to myself: In this period of time, I never ate and drank God’s word with a burden or with a thirsting heart. Each time I took up the book of God’s word, I turned it to this piece, which I found that I had read, and turned it to that piece, which I found that I had also read, so I thought that I had known a little about any piece. Then I chose a piece at random and skimmed it through. In eating and drinking God’s word, I was content merely to understand some letters and doctrines and paid attention only to observing some regulations and practices, but I never felt that there were too many truths I needed to enter into, nor did I have a desire to satisfy God. I did not have any burden for my life and did not worry about having not equipped myself with enough truths, but just ate and drank God’s word perfunctorily and carelessly. As far as my disdainful attitude toward God’s word is concerned, how could I receive God’s inspiration and enlightenment? I did not practically cooperate with God but blindly waited for God’s inspiration, on the pretext that “God has his time to inspire man.” I was really too foolish and ignorant! Now I have known that though God has his time to inspire man, which is a truth, man should cooperate initiatively at all times, because this is the condition for receiving the working of the Holy Spirit.
O God, thank you that your timely inspiration has made me realize the deviation in my experience. Now, I am willing to correct it and cooperate with you initiatively. I will eat and drink your word with a thirsting and seeking heart and with a burden, and pursue to receive more inspiration in your word, so that I can enter further into the truth and grow in life gradually.
Linyi City, Shandong Province