I was by nature softhearted and loved to sympathize with others. After I accepted this stage of work, I was pleased with myself, thinking that it was because of this “merit” of mine that God called me before him. But unexpectedly, I, a “good person,” was revealed by God in my performing duty.
In the gospel work, I saw that the brothers and sisters were beaten, abused, insulted, and slandered by the denominational people and were also persecuted by their own families, so I always cared for their difficulties. The sister who went around the churches fellowshipped with me, saying that in doing so I stood on satan’s side and rebelled against God. At that time I thought: Hasn’t God asked us to love the brothers and sisters? How come you say I rebel against God? I couldn’t understand it. Although I said nothing, I did not agree with her in my heart. When the sister came to check my work, I put before her all the difficulties of the brothers and sisters in the church and asked her to help me solve them. She said to me, “God hopes that we can stand on his side and have a sense of justice, but you always side with the flesh of the brothers and sisters. Aren’t you against God? Today, God has told us that when he comes to work, what it brings upon people’s flesh is ‘sword and smiting, endless sufferings, burning of fire, and merciless judgments, chastisements, and curses, and endless trials.’ When people practice the truth, they have to suffer in the flesh. So their flesh (satan) is unwilling and they begin to complain about their difficulties. You, however, complain along with them; aren’t you helping satan? In doing that, you are not showing them love but doing them harm. When God asks us to love the brothers and sisters, he means to let us help them in life entering and urge them to perform their duties properly and prepare enough good deeds.” Through her fellowship, I realized that I was wrong. But when facing the practical difficulties, I still acted by my natural goodness and could never practice the truth. Thus, I gradually lost the working of the Holy Spirit, with the result that my work was unfruitful. Later, while I ate and drank God’s word, I read these words: “You serve God by your natural disposition and according to your own preferences, but you always think that what you desire is what God is pleased with and what you do not desire is what God loathes, and you work completely according to your own preferences. Is this serving God? In the end, your life nature is not transformed at all, but on the contrary it becomes more stubborn because of your serving God, and thus your corrupt nature becomes deep-rooted. Thus, you will within you form a kind of rules and regulations for serving God which are based on your disposition and have some experience you sum up when serving according to your own nature. Such are man’s experience and lessons and man’s philosophies of life. All such people are Pharisees and religious officials. If such people still do not wake up and repent, in the end they will surely become the false christs and deceivers appearing in the end time.” Only then did I wake up and see that man’s inherent nature is so dreadful; it not only does others harm but also can ruin himself.
Thank God that his work has made me understand the true meaning of these words, “Maybe you have never sworn at anyone or done a bad thing over the years of your believing in God, but … you … cannot obey the words from Christ’s mouth. Then I say that you are the most sinister and diabolic person in the world.” God is the expresser of the truth; man’s original nature comes from satan. If one serves God by the things he originally has, even if he runs his legs off, breaks his neck, and is even martyred, he will not be approved by God but will be one resisting God. Now, I have seen that I had no principles in doing things and that I resisted God while serving God. I feel ashamed and guilty. Thank God for his chastising and judging me. In future, I will, while working, pursue the transformation of my nature and cast away my naturalness so as to be compatible with God.
Zhaodong City, Heilongjiang Province