Since God’s family assigned an assistant to me, I had had resistance within: In the past, when some problems arose in the churches, I myself could solve them by relying on God. Why bother to assign an assistant to me? Now, no matter what I do, I have to discuss it with her and ask her opinion. And if we disagree, I have to search a basis in God’s word or in the work arrangements. It’s really too troublesome. Whenever I thought of this, I felt very unhappy. I realized that I had fallen into a wrong state, so I often came before God and prayed, “O God, I know everything is controlled and arranged by you, is beneficial to me, and is your love for me. I’m willing to submit to your control and arrangement. But I am blind and ignorant and cannot discern things. I cannot taste your love in this matter, so I always have resistance and disobedience within. May you inspire me to understand your intention.”
One day during my spiritual devotions, when I ate and drank God’s word in light of my state, I read these words: “If you want to see God’s love and truly experience God’s love, you have to go deep into reality and into your real life, so that you can see that everything God does is love, is salvation, is to cause man to cast off the unclean things, and is to refine the things within him that cannot satisfy God’s heart.”
After I read these words, my heart was suddenly brightened. Everything that comes upon us contains God’s love, and it is to refine and purify us. Today God’s family has assigned me an assistant; isn’t it an exposing and salvation for me? In the past, through God’s exposing me in the work again and again, I realized that I was arrogant and self-right and apt to work according to my own ideas, knew that I might offend God anytime and anywhere, and was also afraid of offending God’s nature; but I could not avoid following my own ideas, so I often felt distressed. Today, when God’s family has assigned the assistant to me, I have to fellowship with her together in handling the church affairs, and under her supervision, I am forced to find the ways of practice in God’s word or in the work arrangements, so I can avoid bringing losses to the work of God’s family because of working according to my own ideas, and my arrogant nature has also been somewhat restrained. In the past, I always thought that whatever problem I encountered I myself could solve it by relying on God, so I often lived in the state of being content with my present situation and being pleased with myself, and I watered the churches without striving for results but in a formalistic and perfunctory way. But today, every time I come back from watering the churches, through fellowshipping with my assistant, I find that there are many oversights in my work and many problems in the churches are not truly solved, and realize that I lack too much; therefore, I can consciously seek and rely on God when encountering problems, and I have become a little more burdened for watering the churches and begun to stress the results. In the past, I had often fellowshipped with the brothers and sisters that “we should have a harmonious coordination before God,” and gradually I felt that I had had the truth of this respect. But today, through coordinating with the sister, I realize that I have not gained the truth of this respect and that I am only one who can speak doctrines but has no reality of life; thus, I have begun to exercise to enter in in the practical coordination. … Aren’t all these results obtained in the coordination? Through the coordination, I have found many deficiencies in me and a lot of holes in my work, which is conducive to my performing duty and my life entering. Isn’t this precisely God’s most real and truest love for me? However, I did not understand God’s kind intention and even had resistance to such an arrangement of God’s family. I was really too arrogant and disobedient, and too loathsome to God.
O God, I do not want to disobey and resist you anymore. From now on, I will submit to any arrangement of yours and try to discover more of your loveliness in my practical experience, so that I can truly love you and satisfy you.
Yantai City, Shandong Province