Recently, a new work arrangement came, which required each small district to select a truth-entering examiner. The leader told me to select one immediately in my small district. Upon hearing that, I began to weigh it in my mind: In our small district those who should be used are already in use. How can I find one to be the examiner? Just like this, I always lived in the excuses and “real” situation. Although I cooperated in searching the right person, yet in my heart I always felt there was no suitable person.
Just at that time, I learned that a newly established church still had no gospel deacon and life deacon. I asked the small-district assistant about the reason for that. Confidently she replied: “I know clearly about the people in that church. There is no right person at all.” Upon her words, I said to her: “You can’t believe your own notions and imaginations. Do believe God’s substance….” After I fellowshipped with her, she then reluctantly agreed to go back to fill the vacancies.
Later, I met a church leader. I asked her: “Has your church chosen a person to water the new gentile believers yet?” She shook her head and said: “There is no right person! You may go to the church to have a look and you’ll know it.” At her words, I was annoyed: How come you give the same reply? I suppressed my anger and said to her: “You can’t draw conclusions before you search. Pick the best out of the mediocre bunch. There’s surely a right person. Believe that God will prepare one.”
After returning to the host home, I thought about the matter of selecting people these days that the assistant didn’t cooperate and the church leader resisted. I had to come before God to examine myself, “O God! In these circumstances, I don’t know what lesson you want me to learn, what truth you want to give me, and what you want me to understand. Inspire me, please.”
After the prayer, I opened the book of God’s word, and I read these words: “You should rely on God to first resolve your inner difficulties and remove your own fallen nature, and can truly realize your own conditions and know what you should do…. It won’t do if one does not know himself. First cure your own illness; through eating and drinking my word more and pondering my word, live and act according to my word….” “When you can speak knowledge of God’s word, it cannot be considered your true stature. … If you cannot speak any real ways of practice, aren’t you pretending? If you cannot supply others with your own real experiences so that they can learn lessons and have ways to go on, aren’t you feigning? Aren’t you shoddy goods? What value do you have?”
God’s words made me think of this: Wasn’t my attitude of selecting people the same as that of the brothers and sisters? I myself had no real faith in God and always lived in the excuses and “real” situation. I concluded according to my own notions and imaginations that there were no suitable people. I never brought my state and difficulties before God to seek and find out the relevant truths to solve them. Now seeing that the brothers and sisters lived in the same state as I did in the selections, I did not immediately drop my notions and imaginations and first correct my viewpoint and then point out the way for them to practice through my own practical experience; on the contrary, I only fellowshipped with the brothers and sisters asking them to have faith in God, as if I was practicing the truth. I was really a hypocritical Pharisee, a good-for-nothing who failed to perform his own functions! If I continue leading the brothers and sisters this way, I will only bring harm to them, will labor but gain nothing because I myself haven’t entered into the truth, and will become a nominal leader who has no value for being perfected.
O God! Exposed by you, I have seen my crisis and realized that my own entering-in is very crucial. From now on, whatever demands you make on me, I will correct my viewpoints and try to enter in first, and then lead the brothers and sisters to enter into the truth through my practical experience, so that I can truly carry out your will and complete your commission to me.
Dalian City, Liaoning Province