One day, while having a meeting with us, the leader handed me a booklet of the latest fellowship from above. I opened it at random and read several pages. When I came to these words, “Now, I’ll fellowship about the matter of the rumor about Jesus. … If Jesus really took a wife and begot a child, was it wrong?”, I was totally stunned. I said to myself: No! Impossible! How could that happen? I shot a sensitive glance at the cover, only to see “The Fellowship From Above.” Then, I asked the leader searchingly: “Whose fellowship is this?” “Whose do you think it is?” she asked, as if having read my mind, “Any problem?” “Could you please tell me what the rumor is all about?” “Read carefully and you’ll know it.” The more impatient I was, the less I was able to get the answer. But intuition told me: Jumping to a conclusion will lead to error. I’d better not do that. In case I blaspheme God, I’ll be finished. I’d better get it straight first. At that moment, my heart beat faster and my mind was in a confused state. I read word by word searching for the answer I wanted to get. But the more I read on, the more notions I had. Almost every word touched every nerve of my whole body, especially these words: “Human beings are allowed to take wives and beget children; why forbid Christ to do the same? … Who has made this law? … Was Jesus unworthy to have a son? Would Jesus’ son be harmful to mankind?” When I read this, I could not go on and had to close the booklet. Afterward, the leader asked us about our knowledge after reading it. After listening to others’ fellowship, I reluctantly nodded and echoed: “Yes, yes, how can we created beings qualify to interfere with God? If God really did that, we should obey.” Later, the leader fellowshipped and asked us questions about that. Outwardly I seemed to accept and obey, but in my heart, I was greatly disturbed and could not calm down for a long time. So the meeting of the day ended, leaving me bewildered.
After I went back to the host home the next day, I was still greatly refined in this matter. I felt extremely distressed, as if I was seriously ill, dazed and absent-minded. After turning the matter over and over in my mind, I began to look for bases in the word of God. I came to these words: “Can God have a wife? Can God have a husband? Can God have children? …if he had a wife, children, or a husband, he could not do the work of divinity.” The more I pondered, the more I felt that they contradicted the man’s fellowship. For several days, I had no appetite and could not fall asleep at night. In the painful struggling, I had to come before God and pray earnestly: O God! During the years of my following you, you have given me so much that I can never repay you enough. As to your wisdom and almightiness, the corrupt I have personally experienced them; you are indeed the One who was to come to save mankind in the last days. But as to what is talked about in the fellowship, I really can’t accept it. Yet I don’t want to be one who resists you and blasphemes your name. May you inspire me so that I can understand the truth in this aspect and replace my notion with it and that I can submit before you with a peaceful heart….
After I sought and prayed several times, God inspired me. In the Postscript to The Word Has Manifested in the Flesh, I read God’s words: “What God is and has is forever inexhaustible; God is the source of life and the source of all things; God cannot be fathomed by any created being. Finally, I want to remind all people: Don’t limit God once again to the book, to the words and sentences, and to the former words of God. …and even less does he want man to limit him to a scope to worship. This is the nature of God.” God’s words brightened my heart all at once. Yes, what God is and has is forever inexhaustible. God is the source of all things. Could God be fathomed by me, a tiny creature? I really had no self-knowledge. I actually looked for bases in the word of God and used God’s words to measure God. Have I not limited God to the book, to the letters, and to the former words of God? Every day, I asked those in sects and denominations not to limit God, saying that whatever God does is right and God’s substance will by no means be changed because he does things contrary to man’s notions. But today, I denied God’s substance and limited God to my notions, holding that God should not do this or that. Did I differ from those in sects and denominations in the substance of resisting God? I followed God yet analyzed and studied God; I enjoyed God’s riches yet stuck to my own notions and resisted God. I was really arrogant and ignorant and was absurd to the extreme! The fellowship from above says: “Corrupt people are so absurd in their viewpoint on things that for everything they try to find a basis in the Bible or in God’s word. It is all right to look for a basis in God’s word for the things related to life entering and the truth, but they looked for a biblical basis for God’s living and God’s doing things, and even for Jesus’ taking a wife and begetting a child. Actually, God does not keep regulations in doing his work, and he has only principles in doing things.” Ah, yes, God has his dignity and has his freedom, and man has no right to interfere in God’s living or God’s doing things. Was I not devoid of sense to interfere? At the moment, in remorse and self-reproach, I fell down before God and repented to God. I hated myself for being arrogant, ignorant, blind, and poor. I had believed in God for many years but failed to know God’s substance; I had experienced God’s work for many years but failed to gain the truth. I really felt ashamed.
Thank God for his inspiration. I have come out of my notion, and understood that no matter what God does and how he does it, God is forever God, which is unquestionable and unchangeable. Even more, I have gained a little practical knowledge of what God says: “The more impossible man thinks a thing is, the more there is the truth to seek in it.”
Handan City, Hebei Province