In May 2001, because the number of the people in the churches increased, a new working area was carved out in our place; the clerk of it was transferred from another place. At our first fellowship meeting, she criticized me for being arrogant. At that time, I did not say anything, but in my heart I was very indignant.
When I had a meeting with the church leaders, I then gave vent to all my resentment: “The newly transferred clerk, though she is short, is very tough! She gave me a good lecture at our first meeting. Perhaps she was afraid that I would look down upon her or disobey her, so she dealt me a head-on blow at the first encounter. Today, what we obey is the truth, not her. Can such a person like her do the work well? …” After I said so, most of the church leaders had prejudices against her, and they began to pass remarks about her, saying that such a leader was indeed unfit for use. Seeing that they spoke on my side, I felt inexpressibly glad in my heart.
But before long, God’s nature came upon me—my mouth ulcerated. At first I paid no attention to it, because I had had mouth ulcers before and they were cured after I applied some medicine to them. This time, however, after I applied medicine, the ulcer was not cured but instead grew larger and larger. Later, it even became a great split about 3cm long and also discharged pus and blood. It hurt so badly that I could not eat or sleep. And when I spoke, it was even more painful. I suffered unspeakably. I had no choice but to pray to God, “O God! I know it is your discipline that I have an ulcerated mouth today, but I am too numb to know where I have offended you. May you enlighten me so that I can know it. I am willing to repent….” Afterward, I read these words in the book of God’s word: “If you really want to oppose me and really want to judge me, I will make you a person who has a rotten mouth. Then I will be greatly delighted. This is because everything you do is not the truth after all, much less does it have anything to do with life, but everything I do is the truth and has to do with the principles of my doing things and with the administrative decrees set down by me. So, I advise every one of you to do more good deeds and do fewer evil deeds….” After reading God’s words, I remembered the matter that for venting personal spite I judged the clerk before the church leaders. I could not help trembling with fear: I have not made a small mistake but have offended God’s nature, because I not merely judged a sister in charge of the work but did a thing that disrupted and disturbed God’s work. After I spread those words, some of the church leaders in our small district had prejudices against the clerk and even had a bad opinion of the way God’s family used people. Was I doing the work? I was obviously creating division, undermining the sister’s position behind her back, and being against God. I am really a vile, shameless person! At this thought, I fell down before God: O God! For achieving my own purpose, I judged the sister and judged your work at will. I have seriously resisted you and offended your nature. It serves me right that such chastening and discipline has come upon me today. Through this discipline, I have seen your holiness and righteousness and practically tasted your nature majestic and intolerant of man’s offense. O God, I will take this chastening and discipline as a warning for my future. I will always have a heart of fearing you and be cautious about my words and deeds, and pursue to be a person who has the truth and humanity, so as to comfort your heart.
Bengbu City, Anhui Province