Some time ago, while having a meeting with us, the leader fellowshipped that now was the last time to be faithful to God, and that we each should swear to God concerning our fatal spots and write a guarantee…. At that time, I thought, “I’ll write if I have to write. This is only a formality anyway. During the several years of my following God, I’ve made so many resolutions before God and have negated so many resolutions. Am I not still all right? God will never treat me according to the oaths I have sworn.” So, without hesitation, I took up the pen and wrote down these words: “If I go on caring for the flesh and being perfunctory about the work, let God curse me and let me be disfigured.” After writing, I immediately cast my oath behind me. In performing my duty, I cared for the flesh as before and had no burden for the work.
Before long, God’s wrath came upon me. I, who had been well, somehow got an unusually itchy skin disease, itching from head to sole. Besides, my face began to swell, either my eyes becoming swollen or my lips getting very thick. I, who paid much attention to dressing up and was particular about my appearance, suddenly became a very ugly person. I really felt ashamed to face others. However, I, who was numb, did not examine myself nor realize that it was God’s discipline. Instead, I thought it was natural for man to get ill. Over the several months, I had seen all the doctors, both of Western medicine and of traditional Chinese medicine, but my condition still did not turn better. I suffered unspeakably from the illness.
When I was utterly helpless, I suddenly remembered the oath I had sworn before God: “If I go on caring for the flesh and being perfunctory about the work, let God curse me and let me be disfigured.” Comparing it with the fact of the present, I could not but gasp with fear. I quickly came before God to examine myself. Then, I read God’s words: “… You only know to cheat me, but you do not know that I am not to be offended by man. Since you have made a resolution to serve me, I won’t let you go. I am a jealous God, and I am a God jealous of man. Since you have presented your words before my altar, I won’t allow you to run away from my eyes, and I won’t allow you to serve two masters. Do you think that you can love something else after you have presented your words on my altar and before my eyes? How can I allow man to fool me like this? Do you think that your tongue can vow and swear to me at will? How can you swear by the throne of me the Most High? Do you think that your oaths have passed away? I tell you, even if your flesh passes away, your oaths will not pass away. At the end of the time, I will condemn you according to your oaths. …” God’s words, bearing authority and power, struck fear into my heart. Only then did I realize that I had offended God and God’s nature had come upon me. I recalled that I had no fear of God at all, and I dared to test God’s nature and treat my oath to God casually. I really deserve to be cursed! Today, if God were not still working in the flesh and sympathizing with my weakness, I would have long since been one struck down by God. At this thought, I trembled with fear and prostrated myself before God: O Almighty God, I was really blind and ignorant. I should have been so insolent before you. I have really broken your heart. However, you have not treated me according to my transgressions and still give me the chance to repent. O God, your love is so great. In your chastisement, I have seen your righteousness and holiness, and even more tasted your nature majestic and intolerant of man’s offense. O God, from now on, I will never again dare to act unrestrainedly before you because of your tolerance. I will have a heart of fearing you, and follow you with caution.
Sanming City, Fujian Province