Arrogance was my fatal spot. I often expressed my arrogant nature, always thinking myself better than others. Especially in revising the articles or fellowshipping about the work together with my partner, I always stuck to my own ideas and did not listen to her opinions humbly. As I could not coordinate with her harmoniously, losses were often caused to the work. In view of that, the brothers and sisters pointed out to me my defect many times, and I also often read God’s words of exposing man’s arrogant nature. But because I did not truly know the substance of my nature and could not truly hate it, when I was in a suitable situation I lost control of it. Afterward I felt it quite disgusting, but this did not help and I had to know it again. This cycle repeated itself over and over again. Because of this, I felt myself very awkward and helpless.
Once, during my spiritual devotions, I read God’s words: “How to solve the problem of your nature? You should first have a knowledge of your nature, and you should also understand God’s word and God’s will. How can you best control yourself so that you do no bad things but only do things in accordance with the truth? If you want to gain transformation, you have to study this. In light of the fact that you have a bad nature, have certain corrupt things, and can commit certain things, what measure you will take and how you will practice to have yourself under control—this is a crucial issue. … Lin Zexu was prone to lose his temper; in view of his weak point, he wrote a motto in his room: ‘Check Anger.’ This is a human method, but it does work. Different persons have different principles of practice. You should also make a principle aimed at your nature. Everybody should have such a principle. You can’t do without it. It should also be the motto for you to act in believing in God.”
God’s words caused me to have a way to go on at once. I understood this: If I want to have my disobedient nature transformed, on the one hand, I must often eat and drink God’s words of exposing man’s corrupt essence, and on the other hand, I must make a motto in light of my nature and consciously restrict the expression of my nature, so as to forsake myself and practice the truth. Then, according to my corruption that I was by nature arrogant and always considered myself right and was unwilling to listen to my partner’s opinions, I made a motto: “A handful of dung with some smell cannot be arrogant.” Every time I fellowshipped about a problem with my partner, I first warned myself with this motto and bore in mind that my substance was dung, smelly all over, and then I thought that I had brought too many losses to the work because of my arrogance and self-rightness and should not be arrogant anymore. Thus, I did not consider myself absolutely right and also had a little inclination to seek, willing to drop myself and listen to my partner’s opinions. Even though sometimes I still wanted to refute her views, at the thought of my motto I consciously forsook myself and practiced the truth concerning harmonious coordination.
Some time later, I was pleasingly surprised to find that when I dropped myself, through my partner’s fellowship I received some inspiration and enlightenment from the Holy Spirit and saw some errors in my understanding of the truth. Also, I discovered some strong points in my partner and was willing to learn from them to complement myself. I did not think myself better than others in all respects anymore and bowed my high-held head. I felt that it was not as painful as before to forsake myself. From the bottom of my heart I felt it quite good to drop myself and listen to my partner’s opinions. Not only was it conducive to my growth in life, but through our complementing each other and coordinating in one accord, the results of our work began to get better.
From this experience, I tasted the sweetness of practicing the truth. I saw that making a motto could cause me to consciously restrain the expression of my corruption, so that I not only committed fewer transgressions but had more chances to understand the truth. At the same time, I also felt that the former expressions of my arrogant nature were so ugly and disgusting. O God, thank you for leading me to realize these. In future, I will make an appropriate motto aimed at my corruption in any other aspect, so as to control myself and practice the truth. And I will often read your word to know the substance of my nature so that I can truly hate myself and can soon cast off my corruptions and be after your heart.
Zhengzhou City, Henan Province