After I accepted this stage of work, because the circumstances of my family were suitable, God’s family assigned me to perform the duty of hosting. At that time, I thought, “I must perform this duty properly. I’ll make the brothers and sisters eat well and live well, so that they won’t say I’m stingy or say my family is bad.” So, I always did my best to host the brothers and sisters. And I always thought that in doing so I was performing my duty to satisfy God. However, a small matter arranged by God made me see my expending clearly.
One afternoon in July 2000, I went out to buy vegetables in spite of the hot weather. I thought to myself, “I’ll buy some bitter gourds, so that when the sisters come back they will have a good meal which helps relieve summer heat. They will surely be happy when eating it. Wherever they go, they will praise me for being attentive in hosting and say that my family is a very good host family.” The more I thought about it, the happier I became, as if having seen their expression of approval. When the sisters came back, I gladly served the cooked meal. But unexpectedly, they tasted the dish and said, “It’s so bitter! At first taste, I’m strange to it.” Hearing them say so, I felt somewhat dejected and said quickly, “Bitter gourds taste bitter but help clear heat. They are good things! They cost two yuan per catty. For you who run around outside every day, it is best to eat some bitter gourds. I specially bought them for you.” After hearing me, the sisters said to me, “They’re expensive. You needn’t go to that expense. Ordinary food will do for us.” At this, I felt very unhappy in my heart: “On this hot day, I purposely bought the bitter gourds at a price, trying to make you two eat well. But you neither say they are tasty nor accept my hospitality. All my efforts are in vain. Ay, why did I bother? I am a fool to myself.” Hence, I became less enthusiastic about doing hosting than before and got much colder to the brothers and sisters.
Later, when I ate and drank God’s word, I read these words: “You had better exert some effort on the truths of knowing oneself. Why does God not appreciate you? Why is your nature loathed by him? Why is your speaking hated by him? … You want money, things, and compliments when you receive God…. Such humanity of yours is simply unspeakable and is intolerable to the ear.” The disclosure of God’s words made me want to sink through the ground. Am I not a person who wants compliments when doing hosting? I took pains to do hosting and make the brothers and sisters eat and drink well, yet my purpose was not to satisfy God’s heart’s desire but to receive men’s compliments. When I failed to receive them, I felt depressed and disappointed and was even unwilling to perform my bounden duty. I was really too disobedient! Was I performing my duty to satisfy God? I was obviously satisfying my own desire. Such a nature of mine was really loathsome and disgusting to God. If I do hosting not for fulfilling the duty of a created being or for comforting God’s heart, even if all the brothers and sisters praise me for being a good host, what meaning does it have? O God, thank you for your exposing and the inspiration of your words, which have made me know that my pursuit was incompatible with you. I’m willing to mend my ways, pursuing those worthless things no longer. I only wish to fulfill my duty, with diligence and in obscurity, to satisfy your heart’s desire.
Xinmi City, Henan Province