Since I accepted God’s end-time work, I have been doing hosting in my home. Whenever the brothers and sisters came to my home, I was very warm to them. So, I always thought that I was a person very faithful to God. However, in the exposing of a fact, I saw my meanness and ugliness.
This January, persecution arose in many places in our area. I felt afraid in spite of myself, and I thought: So many brothers and sisters come to my home; if one of them is caught and betrays me or some bad man in my village reports my family to the police, then won’t all my family undergo suffering? As I was thinking, my disobedience emerged: I’d better stop receiving them lest troubles be invited. From then on, when the brothers and sisters came to my home, I was always unhappy in my heart. I fretted at seeing anyone of them, and sometimes I even gave them the cold shoulder.
One day, I was at the gate and saw a brother from a distance riding a bicycle toward my home. Then I hurriedly ran into the yard, shut the gate behind me and locked it, thinking: In a while, no matter how hard he knocks at the gate, I’ll ignore him. Having prepared my mind, I peeped through the crack in the gate. I saw that the brother stayed at the gate for quite a while and then went away in disappointment. In an instant, I felt deeply ashamed and was sharply rebuked inside: In order to preserve myself, I even shut the brother out. Do I have any humanity? I walked into the house with heavy steps and opened the book of God’s word. I read these words: “You shut me out … for the purpose of preserving yourselves. What you care about is not me but your family, your children, your position, your future, and your enjoyment. … When you perform your duty, what you think about is your interests, your personal safety, and your family. What have you done for me? When have you ever thought about me? When have you ever paid every price for me and for my work? Where is the evidence of your being compatible with me? Where is the reality of your being faithful to me?” When I read here, tears of remorse gushed from my eyes. I saw that my behavior was in perfect accord with the state God disclosed. I was just a mean person who only cared for his own interests! When I was peaceful and safe and the circumstance was suitable, I could perform some duty outwardly. But when I thought the surroundings might be unfavorable to me, I then considered my own safety and was not willing to do hosting, and I even played mean tricks to drive the brothers and sisters away. I was really selfish, despicable, and inhumane! Little did I know that the persecution raised up by God today has been prepared for perfecting people; through it God adds faith, courage and insight, and wisdom to people, and at the same time tests people’s faithfulness to him. However, I did not understand God’s intention and neglected the fact that everything is in God’s hand, only God is the symbol of the highest authority, and the surrounding circumstances and all of the people, matters, and things serve the work of God. I was really too blind! O Almighty God, today in your exposing, I have seen that I did not have any element of belief in you, much less any trace of faithfulness to you. I was not performing the duty of a created being at all! O God, I am willing to make this resolution in your presence: No matter how adverse the circumstances may be in the future, I will never consider my own interests again. I only want to rely on you to receive the brothers and sisters well and perform my duty properly to console your heart.
Bozhou City, Anhui Province