I Was a Person Who Did Not Love the Truth
Two days ago, while I was answering the questions of the practice part in The Truth-Entering Course for Enjoying God’s Word at Meetings, I examined my experiences. The more I answered, the more I felt that my entering in fell far short of God’s requirements and too few of my actions were in accordance with the truth. Not only so, I also found that there were many truths I was not clear about at all. Thus I could no longer be quiet and was in no mood to continue answering. I thought, “I have followed God for several years, but there are still so many truths I do not understand, and my corrupt nature hasn’t been transformed in the least. It seems that I cannot be transformed. I’ll simply give up answering; it’s no use to answer…. ” The more I thought, the more I felt distressed; and the more I thought, the more I became passive. I fell into darkness.
On that evening, I fellowshipped with a sister about my state. She said: “To eat and drink these questions is for the purpose that we can find our lacks and then enter into these truths. In fact, we indeed lack much, but we can’t be passive. We should treat ourselves properly and strive to make progress actively.” Then we together read these words of God in The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations: “You give up the truth because you think that you are already irredeemable. So you have even given up the most basic truth. Perhaps it is not that you are unable to practice the truth but that you have given up the opportunity to practice the truth. As you have given up the truth, can you be transformed? As you have given up the truth, where is the significance of your believing in God? It was said before, ‘At any time it is right to pursue the transformation of your nature.’ Have you forgotten this word? You … think that you are hopeless. As you have no positive pursuit, how can the negative things not come out? How can you not be passive? So I still tell you: Treat yourself properly and do not give up the truth.” “If people can practice according to the truth, then their corrupt nature can be transformed…. Some people are all day stuck in the worries set by themselves; there are the ready truths and they do not investigate or practice them. What an extremely ridiculous practice this is! Truly there are blessings but they don’t know to enjoy them. Born poor people! There are the ways; it is up to you whether or not you practice them. If you are a person who has the will to practice the truth, your weak points and fatal wounds can all be transformed.” Reading here, I felt brightened in my heart: It is not that my nature cannot be transformed, but that I do not love the truth and do not pursue to be transformed. Today, God’s family requires us to answer the questions in The Truth-Entering Course for Enjoying God’s Word at Meetings, in order for us to find our lacks and make up for them through answering the questions. However, I did not understand God’s intention and could not face up to my lacks. In answering the questions, when I saw that there were many truths I did not understand and my nature had not been much transformed, I became passive and weak and gave up the opportunity to understand the truth and practice the truth. God’s word clearly tells me that as long as I can practice according to the truth, my nature can be transformed, yet I did not believe God’s word but believed my own feeling and my own thinking. I even gave myself up as hopeless and judged that I could never be transformed. As a result, I became passive to a degree, falling into darkness. I was too ignorant of myself. O God, thank you for your wonderful arrangement, which has exposed my inherent nature of not loving the truth through my answering the questions. Thank you also for the inspiration of your words, which has caused me to understand your intention and come out of the passivity. From now on, I will treat myself properly, strive to make progress actively, pursue to enter deeper in the truth, and be a person who loves the truth.
Linyi City, Shandong Province