Once when I met the leader, I asked him in passing, “Have you written any testimony articles?” “Yes, I have,” he answered. “The article signed by X is mine.” I said excitedly, “Ah? That’s yours? I’m revising it now! Why didn’t you tell me that it’s yours?” “I was afraid you would look at it with different eyes if I had told you.” I thought to myself: I’ll not do that! You wrote in so disorderly a way. How could I look at it with different eyes? In your article there are so many defects to be corrected!
I continued revising that testimony article. But to my surprise, I now felt things were different. The faults I had just found seemed not to be faults. And my mentality of revising it was also greatly different from that of a moment before. As for deletion or addition, I had to consider carefully. I even recovered the content already deleted. I thought, “Well, his writing in that way may also be effective, and he must have his reasons. Perhaps his understanding is higher; I’d better not change his. Maybe what he wrote is good and my revision may make it worse. He has believed in God for many years and his experience must be unusual. Surely his consideration was thorough….” When I was thinking this way, suddenly I felt rebuked within: Didn’t you say a moment ago that you wouldn’t look at the article with different eyes? How come you have changed now?
Exposed by this matter and thanks to God’s inspiration, I realized that I only valued fame and position and I was really a snob, a person who looked up to men with position. Did I have any sense of justice? Did I have any discernment? I simply did not know what was good and bad, and what was black and white. Then I remembered these words of God: “If he did not work with the status of God Godself but only worked with the status of a normal man, people would simply not allow him to speak a word, much less allow him to do any work. So he has to work with his status, which is more powerful than his working without his status, because all people like to obey ‘position’ and ‘high status.’” It is true. O God, if you did not do the work with your position and your status, how could a “snob” like me obey you? Did I follow you because I had understood the truth? Did I obey you because I had known the substance of Christ? Wasn’t this all because of your “position” and “status”? O God, if you did not do your work with your status, how could I know that your word is the truth and the life? I would most probably have regarded your word as man’s word and man’s word as your word, for I simply had no appreciation and discernment.
Exposed by God, I saw that I had too little reality and had too little knowledge of myself; before the fact, my nature had been exposed thoroughly. I thank God for exposing me; otherwise, I couldn’t know myself, and even less could I see that every word spoken by God is the true fact and reveals the things in man’s nature.
O God! Through such an exposing, you also have made me see that I am really too pitiable as I have no truth. Because of having no truth and thus having no discernment I can only measure all people, matters, and things only according to their outward appearances and according to my inner satanic viewpoints, and I don’t know what to do to be after your heart. O God, now I know that my nature just loves power and position and does not love the truth. Such a nature is hard to be transformed, and may you give me strength. I am willing to equip myself with more truths, understand more truths, learn to use the truth to measure and evaluate all people, matters, and things, and try to be an upright person.