I thought that I had followed God for years and experienced some hardships and so my life nature should have been much transformed. But when God’s trial came upon me once again, I still got confused and did not know how to enter into the reality of God’s word. My life was still so little and my stature so bony. It was God’s inspiration and guidance that had revived my numb spirit and hardened heart. Even more, it was God’s righteous judgment that had put me to shame and silence, changed my vindication and justification into sincere convincement, turned my pains into sweetness, and dispelled my grievance bottled up in my heart for one year.
I remember that at a co-workers’ meeting, the brother in charge of the work said to me critically: “You are too slick!” I was shocked by his sudden word, as if getting a head-on blow. I felt pricked within. I thought, “You say I am slick. Can you tell what manifestations I have? I have never refused what you asked me to do, and in the work I am burdened and conscientious. I never thought you would put such a big label on me. Am I such a person to your mind? Man’s slickness and craftiness spoken about in God’s word refers to man’s nature. No matter how honest one feels himself to be, he is still far from God’s standard. I admit that I have slick manifestations disclosed by God, but I don’t belong to that kind of people. I never cheat anyone in my contact with others, and I dare not treat lightly any work assigned by the above….” Just like that, I searched in many things for my honest manifestations, to prove that I was not a slick person.
About that, I was distressed for as long as one year, holding that the brother in charge of the work had a prejudice against me. Later, at a meeting a sister in charge of the work fellowshipped: “If you do not try your best to expend for God in the work and always spare efforts in performing your duty, and all the people around you think you could achieve better results and be far ahead of others in the work, but you fail and you always perform your duty by comparing with others, this is acting in a slick way….” The sister’s words touched my sore spot once more. I had to bow down before God and tell him of my heart: O God! I am willing to come before you to receive your righteous judgment, because it is only you who can make me know myself and see my corrupt nature. When others say I am slick and spare efforts in my work, why am I so distressed and pricked? Am I really such a person? But I am too numb to realize it. Please inspire me.
Thank God for his guidance! In God’s word, I read this: “Although you have offered up a bit for me, it does not represent your all….” Facing God’s words, I could not but ask myself: Over so many years, how many excellent achievements have I made in the commissions given by God? And how many fine sacrifices have I offered to God? Among the many co-workers, I am not inferior to them in quality and working ability, but my work results are often inferior to theirs. Even if occasionally I achieved a better result, that was because I had been exposed and seen my “coffin” and had made some “efforts” in order not to be dismissed home. Sometimes, when I saw a new sister in charge of work outdid me in result, I felt a loss of face and so redoubled my efforts. When I saw others were inferior to me, I relaxed in my heart, and after having a meeting, I even wanted to have a rest…. Aren’t these manifestations enough to prove that I was lazy and slick in God’s commission? Was I performing the duty of a created being? Was I worrying what God worries and thinking what God thinks? Did I ever exert all my strength and exhaust all my energy for God’s work? God says: “If you all can, according to your conscience, expend everything for me, exert all your effort for my work, and dedicate your lifetime energies for my gospel work, won’t my heart often leap for joy for you?” Faced with God’s words of judgment and exhortation, I felt deeply guilty and ashamed of myself. God’s family has trained me for so many years and God has expended so much painstaking care and price on me, but I saved my effort in God’s commission. Am I not a conscienceless, slick person? Thank God that his wonderful work has exposed me and made me gain a little true knowledge of my true self. O God! I am willing to start anew and exert all my effort to satisfy your heart in the rest of my life.
Huaibei City, Anhui Province