Because of the needs of the work, I was transferred to another working area to perform my duty. At that time I was very grateful to God. I felt that I had many deficiencies in every aspect and it was really God’s uplifting that I could be assigned to such a good working area to perform duty. I made my resolution inwardly: I will do my utmost to perform my duty to repay God.
When I arrived here, however, I found that there were many loopholes in the work. Then, with a mentality of inspection, I began to check the work of every aspect. While checking, I thought: How have the works here been done so badly? They actually didn’t do any works! I thought the work here must have been done very well; I never expected it would just be like this and it is not even as good as the work in my old place. Now I am sent here and I must go all out to do it well; I will do the works one by one according to the work arrangements and lead all the brothers and sisters to enter into life. So, when I had a meeting with the coordinators, I began to give fellowship and plans and arrangements on the work of every aspect. When I fellowshipped, I revealed this every now and then: The work here was so poorly done; the work in my former place is not like this; there I did the work in such and such ways, there we achieved such and such good results in the work, and there we obeyed God in such and such ways…. After the meeting, one of the coordinators said: “It is true. We haven’t done any actual work. Now we must start afresh and do the work according to God’s requirements.” Someone even said: “Today we are lucky that you gave such fellowship and arrangements. If the safety work is not properly done, that will be very dangerous.” After hearing what they said, I was very happy, thinking that I was indeed superior to the former leader here. In my complacency, I felt somewhat rebuked within: Was it appropriate that you said those words? Why did you always say that the work in your former working area was well done? But then I thought: There was nothing wrong in my saying so. Wasn’t I teaching them how to do the work? Thus I did not follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit to examine myself.
Just when I was filled with ambition and was ready to go all out to do the work, I felt I could not sense God within. Not only were all the works not straightened out, but the result of the gospel work began to decline rapidly from the uptrend. I was in agony, but I didn’t know what mistake I had made. So, I came before God to pray and seek earnestly. At the moment, hymn 407 from God’s word “The Three Things a Leader Should Remember” rang in my ears: “A leader must serve God by principles. A leader must serve God by principles. You may not be able to fellowship about the truth clearly, but you must have a right intent. No matter what, you must exalt God and do all you can to testify about God. You can say what you understand, as long as you are testifying about God and exalting God. Never exalt yourself or cause others to adore you, never never exalt yourself Ah or cause others to adore you. This is the first thing. Be sure to remember it.”
God’s words, carrying warning and exhortation as well as expectation and concern, made me feel God’s heart of worrying about man. Tears gushed from my eyes. Remorse, self-reproach, indebtedness, and gratitude flooded my heart. God’s family has assigned me here to perform duty for me to exalt God and testify about God and bring the brothers and sisters before God, so that they can know God. However, I shamelessly showed off and barefacedly exalted myself, testified about myself, and set myself up, making others look up to me and adore me. How could I, such an arrogant, conceited, and contemptible person who held the banner of loving God and satisfying God and yet testified about himself and set himself up, be worthy to serve God? And how could I receive God’s blessings in my work? By what I did, I was actually vying with God for people, disrupting God’s work, and playing a rival show against God. My service was purely resisting God and was really hated by God.
The more I thought, the more I hated myself. I could not but prostrate myself remorsefully before God and prayed to him: “O God, I thank you that your chastisement and judgment has made me wake up and realize my substance of an antichrist and my nature of the archangel. Today, it is your word that has pointed out to me the direction to serve so that I have understood that only by exalting you and testifying about you can I be after your heart and complete your commission to me. Only exalting you and testifying about you is a glorious thing and is my duty as a created being. O God! In future, I will pay attention to examining my intents when speaking and doing things, exalt you and testify about you consciously, lead the brothers and sisters to know you, and try to become a person with the truth and humanity, so as to console your heart.”
Shenyang City, Liaoning Province