I Was Loathed by God for Maintaining My Relationship with Others
Because of the need of the work, I was transferred to the countryside to perform duty as a church leader. When I, full of confidence, came among the brothers and sisters and saw that they were swamped with their farm work, I thought to myself, “Rural life is different from urban life. They have to do both the work in their fields and the work in their houses, and this is indeed their actual difficulty. If I fellowship and eat and drink God’s word with them as soon as I come here, they’ll surely dislike me. No, I must take the initiative to foster a good relationship with them. I’ll help them with their work first, and fellowship with them when it is finished.” So, I did my best to help them cook meals, feed pigs, and work in their fields…. After a period of time, however, the brothers and sisters were still entangled in their farm work, the church life was not at all improving, and even more, the gospel work was fruitless. What puzzled me more was that the relationship between the brothers and sisters and me became more and more distant. They not only seldom spoke or had heart-to-heart talks with me, but hurried away at the sight of me. In the face of all this, I fell into misery.
Later, during my spiritual devotions, I read God’s words: “Do not think that when you do some good things, you are compatible with Christ. Do you think that you can steal the blessings of Heaven by your goodness? Do you think that when you do some good things, it replaces your obedience?” God’s words woke me up as if from a dream. Because of not understanding the truth, the brothers and sisters live in the entanglements of the flesh and the world and can’t extricate themselves. God gave me this commission for the purpose that I will fellowship about the truth with the brothers and sisters so that they all can understand God’s will, free themselves from the entanglements of the flesh and the world, and pursue to satisfy God. But I did not care for God’s will and did not think about how to perform this duty properly and bring the brothers and sisters before God. Instead, I was afraid of offending the brothers and sisters and dared not fellowship with them, and moreover, I cared for their flesh and “helped” them by my zeal and “endurance.” Weren’t my doings harmful to them and to myself? O God, now I have realized that what I did was against you. In name I was performing my duty, but in reality I was engaging in my own management. I sought to be compatible with man and tried to maintain my relationship with the brothers and sisters. As a consequence, my work did not achieve any result. I was simply doing evil! O God, thank you for exposing me in time. Otherwise, I don’t know how much more loss I would bring to your family. O God, I will rebel against the flesh and no longer maintain my fleshly relationship with the brothers and sisters. I will act according to your will, fellowship more about the truth with the brothers and sisters, and do my best to perform my duty properly to satisfy you.
Zhuozi County, Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region