I Was Not One Who Performed Her Duty Faithfully
I performed the duty of hosting. Once, a young sister came. At first I was willing to host her, but as time went on, I could not bear her, feeling her disagreeable to me in every way. I always disliked her for not helping me with the housework, not showing consideration for me, and not caring about me; I was full of dissatisfaction with her. I got more and more annoyed and really did not want to host her anymore. But if I do not host her, this is my duty. If I host her, I really cannot bear it. Ay! When will she go? Thus I became passive and was tormented half dead by this matter.
One day, a sister came to my home, so I told her what was in my heart. She said, “I’ll go and ask the leader to lodge her elsewhere.” Now I was much relieved.
After the young sister went, somehow I always felt uneasy in my heart. One day, in the man’s fellowship I read these words: “For example, when meeting in his hosting some workers who are arrogant and lofty and cannot live in harmony with others, the host has difficulty, thinking to himself: ‘To host them I’m very unwilling; if I do not host them, I’ll be unfaithful in performing my duty and can’t satisfy God. What shall I do?’ He needs to see thoroughly the essence of this problem: Since God has commissioned me to do the hosting work, whether they be leaders, workers, or brothers and sisters, as long as they are within the sphere of my hosting, it’s the duty I should perform. Man has corrupt nature. I’m unwilling to host them; this is my corrupt nature. The workers are arrogant and lofty and cannot live normally with others; that is their corrupt nature. If a host only likes to host those whom he likes and those who have the sense of the normal humanity, this is his preference. To perform his duty properly, the host should rebel against the flesh and give up his preference. As long as they are ones I ought to host, as long as they are not antichrists or false christs or deceivers, and as long as they are brothers and sisters, I should host them. In this way, he will have seen thoroughly the essence of the problem, and then he should practice rebelling against the flesh. If he practices God’s word this way, he will be able to perform the hosting duty properly.” Reading this fellowship, I began to reflect: In my past hosting, there was a sister who was very diligent and was extremely considerate to my flesh, and so I treated her as a member of my family. When she parted with me, I felt reluctant and even shed tears continuously. But this young sister not to my liking I refused to host. This shows that I performed my duty not for satisfying God but for satisfying my flesh, and that I hosted people selectively according to my own preference. When God arranged for me the people, matters, and things against my notions and I was required to rebel against the flesh, I refused and avoided them, unwilling to bear any suffering or give up my preference. Was I performing my duty? I simply wanted the brothers and sisters to serve me. I was really too devoid of sense!
O Almighty God, doing hosting was my duty and was also an opportunity you gave me to be perfected, but for the sake of my fleshly interests I gave up my duty. I have really broken your heart. O God, now I have seen my ugly self, selfish and base. I will never again spoil the opportunity you give me to be perfected or do hosting according to my preference. In the rest of my time, I will perform the hosting duty properly according to your heart’s desire. And I will try my best to offer convenience to those brothers and sisters who perform duties away from their homes, and make them eat well and live well, so that they can keep their mind on fulfilling their duties to satisfy your heart’s desire.
Luoyang City, Henan Province