I Was Really Too Arrogant and Ignorant
Since I accepted this stage of work, I had never carefully read the Fellowship of the Man attached to The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations, because I always thought that it was man’s word and, though good, it was man’s fellowship after all, and that it was safer to directly read the word of God.
Some time ago, God’s family distributed two pieces of fellowship of the man used by the Holy Spirit. As I was reading them, I could not contain my inner arrogance, self-rightness, disobedience, and discontentment. While reading, I murmured: “How can the brother speak in this way? He always seems to be lecturing people. And he always says that he has seen something from this person in this matter, and seen something from that person in that matter. Why does he not say he has seen something from himself?” Thus, with a mind of great resistance, I finished reading the two pieces of fellowship, feeling that the brother spoke in a wrong position. When I held on to my viewpoint, I became darkened within. I received no inspiration and enlightenment in reading God’s word, had no moving of the Holy Spirit in singing hymns and praying, and was unable to draw near to God even if I wanted to. As if having lost my soul, I could not summon up my energy to do anything.
At this time, a sister came to me, and I told her my state as it was. After hearing it, the sister fellowshipped with me, saying, “The man used by the Holy Spirit is one who has been perfected by God in advance. He himself has undergone a suffering-and-refining process of being transformed from being corrupt. He has deeply realized that man has been too deeply corrupted by satan. In order for the brothers and sisters to walk fewer zigzags in their practical experiences, he writes down his own experiences and knowledge. What he fellowships about are all his personal experiences and are all after God’s heart. He sometimes speaks in a stern tone and that is because in the course of following God he has seen with his own eyes that God has expended too much painstaking care and price to save men, but men’s hearts are so numb that they do not care for God’s will at all. Thus, he has to speak somewhat sternly to rouse men so that they can truly expend for God. When he speaks in that way, he is not standing in a wrong position but caring for God’s eager will to save men, worrying what God worries and thinking what God thinks.” Then the sister opened the book of God’s word and read these words: “Because all people cannot directly understand God’s word or God’s will, God raises up a man used by him to do such work. The man used by God can be said to be a go-between through whom God leads people and an ‘interpreter’ through whom God communicates with people. … As far as the substance of his work and the background of his being used are concerned, the man used by God is raised up by God, is prepared by God for his own work, and is one who cooperates with God Godself in doing the work. His work cannot be done by any other man in his stead and is an indispensable work of cooperation in humanity when God is working in divinity. …the man used by God is a man who has been prepared by God and who has very good qualities and has humanity. He has been prepared and perfected by the Holy Spirit ahead of time. He is led completely by the Holy Spirit, and he is directed and governed by the Holy Spirit especially in working. So, he will not deviate on the path of leading God’s chosen people because God will surely be responsible for his own work and he is doing his own work all the time.”
Only then did I have a thorough understanding. The man used by the Holy Spirit is the one raised up by God to cooperate with God’s work. He has been prepared and perfected by God in advance to lead and shepherd us. His work is entirely led and directed by the Holy Spirit, and is governed by God. What he fellowships about is what he has already experienced. When he says in his fellowships that he has seen some problem in somebody, isn’t he leading us to gain discernment and teaching us how to see the substance of the problem? Isn’t he even more helping us to know the things in us that are not after God’s heart? He is one who has been perfected by God, and of course his seeing things and doing things are definitely after God’s heart. Just think: When seeing something not compatible with the truth or seeing someone doing something harmful to God’s family, who that is after God’s heart feels happy or praises it or greets him with a smile? I was really too blind and unreasonable! I did not seek to get benefit from the truth the brother fellowships about, but instead purposely found fault with his speaking tone. This only shows that I did not love the truth and was unreasonable. I myself have no organ to receive God’s word, yet I refused to follow the way others have experienced. I was really too arrogant and ignorant! O God, thank you for inspiring me so that I have understood this truth, realized that I am a person who is arrogant and self-important, has no respect for anyone, and has no truth in his heart, and also seen that I have lost too many chances to understand and gain the truth. O God! I will rebel against my arrogant inherent nature within, learn to get benefit from the fellowship of the brother, and be a humble and obedient person who seeks the truth.
Zhengzhou City, Henan Province