When I first accepted this stage of God’s work and read in God’s word that we are the embodiment of satan and we are self-right, self-important, arrogant, and selfish, I felt very uncomfortable. I thought that I was not the embodiment of satan, but was a child of God, a close friend of God, and a person with whom God was pleased, for in the Age of the Grace I regularly attended meetings, prayed, read the Bible, visited the brothers and sisters, preached the gospel, offered money, gave alms, fasted, etc., and after I accepted this stage of work, I initiatively did hosting and cooperated with the work. However, God’s wonderful and wise work exposed my ugly self.
When I had accepted God’s new work for three months, God’s family was establishing a new church for us. I thought that the brothers and sisters would surely elect me to be the leader, for I was seeking and young and educated. But unexpectedly, they elected another sister to be the leader, who once left the church in the Age of the Grace but who, after accepting God’s new work, pursued hard, expended willingly for God, and had a pure understanding; and I was assigned to be her assistant. At that time, I did not say anything outwardly, but in my heart I was very jealous. I secretly resolved to outdo her in fellowshipping about the truth, so as to show the brothers and sisters that I was superior to her, and to prove that they had elected wrongly. So, I read God’s word every day, thinking: God will inspire me. Some time later, God’s family assigned us to answer the questions about the truths in the nine pieces of God’s word. I resolved to answer faster and better than her. But she finished the answers before me. I felt so distressed that I had a good cry. Learning that my state was not good, she came to help me, and she also told my condition to our leader. I hated and envied her even more, thinking that she, a “deserter,” had no qualifications to help me. At that time, I not only did not know myself, but I was full of misunderstandings and complaints about God. I thought that God was unrighteous: In the Age of the Grace, I was so “faithful” and underwent so many sufferings and never left God. And in this stage of work, I cooperate actively. Why does God always inspire her, favor her, and train her? Why did God create me to be so stupid? Then I thought: Perhaps God uses me for service and never intends to save me. I became passive to such an extent that I even wanted to leave God to enjoy the world.
When I was on the brink of falling, God inspired me: “You should know that God does not belong to the world and does not belong to a single person, but belongs to everyone who truly believes in him, belongs to everyone who worships him, and belongs to all those who are absolutely loyal to him.” Reading these words, I wanted to sink through the ground, terribly ashamed. I saw that I was not at all a believer in God. I pursued zealously, but what did I pursue? Fame and position. I did not pursue the truth at all. Then how could I please God? The sister can care for God’s will and expends for God, but I envied her and always feared that she would outdo me and overshadow me. I was too devoid of humanity! If I really had humanity and conscience and really cared for God’s heart, I should feel pleased that God has gained one more person, and should be happy that the sister can expend for God and shame satan. However, I was too selfish and base and too low in personality. I did not pursue the truth and life, but racked my brains to scramble for fame and gain all day. Such a person as me should say that she was a close friend of God. I was really shameless! I was purely a satan filthy, arrogant, self-right, self-conceited, self-important, and self-seeking! Thank God that his words chastised and judged me, so that I have seen my true self clearly before the facts. I have also been convinced of this word, “man is in substance the embodiment of satan,” as God discloses.