In this month I, as usual, had reported the gospel quota beforehand. At the end of the month, I counted the number of people we had won this month and found that the quota was not filled. To this, I did not feel rebuked or distressed, but on the contrary, I thought: It doesn’t matter! I will not be condemned by God even though I haven’t filled the quota. There was nothing that happened to me when I failed to complete the quota last month, was there? God’s family requires us to report the gospel quota every month and this may be just a way of working to stir our enthusiasm. So I did not feel guilty or indebted at all.
One evening, during my spiritual devotions, I was touched by a passage of God’s word: “If people cannot fulfill their duty, they should feel guilty and indebted because of that, should hate their weakness and impotence and hate their disobedience and corruption, and should sacrifice themselves for God all the more. Such are created beings who truly love God…. What are most of you like? How do you treat the God who lives among you? How do you perform your duty before her? Have you performed it with all your heart and effort and at the sacrifice of your life? What is your consecration like? Have you received little from me? Can you discern these? How is your faithfulness to me? How are you serving me? How much have I bestowed to you and done for you? Have you ever measured these? Have you ever measured and compared them according to your little conscience? Whom can your words and deeds satisfy? Can your little consecration be worthy of all that I have bestowed to you? I treat you wholeheartedly without any choice, but you treat me evil-heartedly and half-heartedly. This is your duty and your little function, isn’t it? Do you not know that you have not at all fulfilled your duty as a created being? So how can you be called created beings?”
Before God’s words, I really felt too ashamed to show my face. I saw that my indifferent attitude toward the commission from God’s family badly grieved and disappointed God and was also loathsome to God. The reported gospel quota was the resolution I made before God and had been placed on God’s altar, and I should accept the searching of God’s Spirit and treat it with trembling and fear. I clearly knew that I didn’t do all I could to cooperate with God, but instead of feeling guilty and indebted and hating my disobedience and corruption, I had an easy conscience. And I even shamelessly found reasons and excuses to give in to myself and pardon myself. Without accomplishing the task and fulfilling my duty, I still did not feel that I was resisting and offending God. I really had no conscience and reason at all! And I was really unworthy to live before God!
Now God, running a risk thousands of times higher than in the Age of the Grace, has come to the earth through incarnation and paid every price for man and done his utmost to save man, earnestly expecting more people belonging to him to return to his throne soon. However, I did not care for God’s eager intention to save man and do my best to bring more people before God to comfort God’s heart, but instead, I did the work perfunctorily and treated it lightly. Was I performing my duty? And how could I be worthy to be called a created being?
God’s family requires us to report the gospel quota and this is for us to have determination and a goal to pursue. It is also to test our loyalty. But I regarded the reporting of the quota as a way of working and took it as a rule; I did not try to feel God’s considerate intention in it. I was really disobedient and had badly grieved God! In the past I failed to fill the quotas and God didn’t treat me according to my deeds, and that was God’s tolerance to me. Facing God’s tolerance, however, I did not draw lessons from the experiences and find out the reasons for my failures in order to perform my duty better, but on the contrary, I took God’s tolerance as an excuse to indulge and forgive myself, betraying God’s considerate intention for me. I really had no humanity or conscience or reason at all!
O God, thank you for your inspiration, which has made me see my disobedient nature at enmity with you, and see that I have no conscience or reason at all and have no fear of you either. From now on, I am willing to lay my heart again before you and accept your searching. And I will perform my duty to the best of my ability to comfort your heart. If I treat the gospel work lightly again, may you curse me!
Dezhou City, Shandong Province