I had been in God’s family for many years, yet I knew God too little and resisted God too much. Looking back to my past, I really can’t bear thinking about it!
In the early spring of 2000, I was in charge of the work of a small district in God’s family. Once, the 500 yuan I put in a host home was gone and for this I fell into a temptation. I kept thinking to myself, “Now I can’t cleanse myself no matter how I explain. The sister of the host family once contributed a lot of money, so nobody will suspect her of stealing it. Then won’t I become the prime suspect?” I was troubled and angered by this matter and always wanted to find out who had taken the 500 yuan. The sister of the host family and I made a joint “detection,” but nothing was found. Although the lost money was not much and I took 500 yuan from my home as a compensation to cleanse myself, I always felt that this matter was very annoying and disgraceful. Having no results achieved in my work doesn’t disgrace me much, but this matter of involving money I really can’t put down. What opinions will others have of me? Isn’t it the most anguishing thing to be suspected of stealing money? Having no choice, I came before God to “rely on God.” And my prayer was very “sincere.” Every time I knelt before God my face was bathed in tears: “O God, you know that my stature is too small. I don’t want anything else but only beseech you to reveal and clear up this matter. I believe that you are almighty and no one and no thing is not in your eyes. You search the whole earth and much more you know what is hidden in this matter. O God, I even more believe your righteousness. And you will surely, according to your righteousness, reveal who is right and who is wrong, who is the true and who is the false, and who has actually done it.” I observed what was going on around me, waiting for God to reveal the truth. I was full of confidence and hope in God’s righteousness and almightiness. One week passed, and two weeks passed; yet no progress was made in this matter. The sky was still the same sky, the land still the same land, and the people still the same people. Everything was strangely normal. But I became more and more anxious. “O God, didn’t you listen to my prayer? Why don’t you still reveal that matter? Is my faith not enough?” I waited, boundlessly. And I prayed stubbornly, “I believe that you are almighty, you are righteous, and you will expose this matter sooner or later! You know my weakness. Have mercy on me.” God does things wonderfully and wisely. Just when I was waiting for God to right the wrong for me with his righteousness and almightiness, some people in the church had notions about God’s work of purging and expelling people and complained that the purged or the expelled had been treated unjustly. I heard this and then fellowshipped with them eloquently, “Although God’s work doesn’t conform with man’s notions, what God does is always good. And the more it is against man’s notions, the more meaningful it is. Man cannot discern or understand it and that is because man is foolish and ignorant and has too little knowledge of God’s substance and the significance of God’s work. It is not that God’s substance goes wrong. God does his work practically and normally, but this does not affect his almightiness. His almightiness is just manifested in his practical and normal work. It is his practical and normal work that reveals man’s arrogance, man’s notions, and man’s extravagant demands, so that man can know himself and be transformed, and thus God can achieve his purpose of saving man. Isn’t this just the almightiness of God? Isn’t this just the manifestation of his righteousness and holiness? God’s righteousness is not the fairness or reasonableness of the world. It shouldn’t be measured by man’s mind or notions. No matter how inconsistent his work is with man’s notions, his righteousness is everlasting. This is his substance. After Job upheld testimony for God, God blessed him and that was God’s righteousness. And if God did not bless him, was God unrighteous? Whatever God does doesn’t change his substance of righteousness. Man can’t see it through but he should obey it. This is the reason that man should have….” Suddenly, I felt that I was not fellowshipping with others but with myself and I was solving my own problem. Instantly, I felt my face blush and I became somewhat tongue-tied. Now I know that my knowledge about God’s righteousness and almightiness is totally theory and not practical at all. I always prayed: “O God, you will surely uncover the matter because you are righteous and almighty.” Isn’t God almighty or righteous if he doesn’t reveal this matter? Does his righteousness and almightiness depend on whether or not he reveals this matter? His substance is inherently righteous and almighty. If he reveals the matter, he is righteous; if he doesn’t reveal it, he is still righteous. God’s substance never changes. Why do I limit God and measure God by a small matter? I see that I was so insensible and unreasonable that I made such peremptory demands on God and limited God’s substance of almightiness and righteousness by my personal interests. If what God does is in accordance with my notions or interests, I think that God is righteous. Otherwise, I can’t understand it. There is no truth in my knowledge. My viewpoint is selfish and absurd, and it is the viewpoint of fairness and reasonableness, the viewpoint of the world, and it is from the angle of safeguarding my personal interests. O God, I’m too corrupt, too ugly! Whatever you do, you are righteous. Whatever you do, you are almighty. Who dares to limit you? Who is able to limit you? How could I, a person like an ant, be entitled to require you to do this or to do that? Although you haven’t revealed the matter in time according to my extravagant wish, you have unexpectedly exposed my impractical knowledge of you, my notions about you, and much more, my unreasonableness. O God, what you have done is very good. I’m grateful to you from my heart.
Later, not long after I dropped my notions and extravagant demands, the matter was revealed. And my selfishness, absurdity, and ugliness of zeal for fame were also completely exposed by God’s righteous nature. In this matter I have left a regret! Yet, what gratifies me is that I have gained a little practical knowledge of God’s righteousness and almightiness. This is my greatest gain.
Fuyang City, Anhui Province