Some time ago, because I was always bound by destiny, future, and emotion, I lost the working of the Holy Spirit and fell into darkness. Although I knew that if I could not get out of this state as soon as possible my life would suffer a greater loss, yet I thought to myself, “If God does not guide or strengthen me, I can’t overcome by myself. Anyway, God is clear about my state; he will inspire and guide me at some time.” Because of this thought, I only expected that the Holy Spirit’s moving and inspiration would suddenly come upon me and lead me out of the passive state.
One day, I read in the man’s fellowship these words: “There are reasons and backgrounds for people losing the working of the Holy Spirit. Some forfeit the working of the Holy Spirit because they are so overwhelmed by passivity as to have no desire to make progress and come to a standstill. Some make the Holy Spirit have no chance to work on them because they are so bound and entangled by the world and their families. … How can one receive the working of the Holy Spirit after losing it? He must have a repentant heart, return before God initiatively to examine and know himself more deeply, and then resolve not to leave God, so as to receive God’s tolerance, mercy, and forgiveness. This is the only condition for receiving the working of the Holy Spirit. If one remains impenitent after departing from God, he will have no chance to receive the working of the Holy Spirit. … Therefore, you should not have the idea of leaving things to chance and assume that even if you do not turn back God will have mercy on you and save you. That is impossible. Even if God can show mercy to you and save you, it is you who suffer a loss. In pursuing to be saved, you should not behave like a spoiled child, should not be foolish and ignorant, but should understand the principle of the Holy Spirit’s working. Although God has mercy, he shows it within a certain scope and against certain backgrounds. You had better seek the working of the Holy Spirit initiatively. This is a wise choice.”
Reading here, I woke up all at once. After losing the working of the Holy Spirit, one must have a repentant heart, cooperate with God initiatively, come before God to examine himself deeply, know his disobedience and corruption, resolve to commit himself fully to God, and have the will to free himself from the power of darkness, so that he can have a chance to recover the working of the Holy Spirit. Though God is a God who loves man and who is merciful to man, he works by principles and against certain backgrounds. One must have a heart of cooperating initiatively and be willing to repent and to be transformed so that he can receive God’s mercy and inspiration. However, after I lost the working of the Holy Spirit in the refining of future, destiny, and emotion, though I knew it was not right to pursue these things, yet I was never willing to drop them, did not have a repentant heart, and was not willing to cooperate with God initiatively to seek God’s inspiration and guidance and seek the truth to solve my difficulties. Instead, I only waited passively and drifted along, living in the darkness and having no desire to make progress. So how could I receive the Holy Spirit’s working or receive God’s inspiration and guidance? Yet, the foolish and ignorant I thought that God knew my state and he would have mercy on me and guide me. Wasn’t this my own imagination? Wasn’t this thought too absurd? Only then did I see that, although I believed in God for many years, I did not have the slightest knowledge of the principle of the Holy Spirit’s working and still lived in my notion and imagination. If I go on drifting passively and do not initiatively seek the working of the Holy Spirit, I will only become more and more distant from God. Even if God can show mercy to me and inspire me, my life will have suffered loss.
O God, thank you for your timely inspiration. It has made me realize my foolishness and ignorance as well as my erroneous way of experience. Even more, it has made me know the way to receive the working of the Holy Spirit and find the way of practice. O God, I am willing to repent to you. I will cooperate with you initiatively through praying and eating and drinking your word more. May you show me grace and mercy and give me faith and strength, so that I can soon free myself from the bondage of these dark and evil things, recover the working of the Holy Spirit, and restore my normal relationship with you.
Linyi City, Shandong Province