Whenever I saw that others, in believing in God and performing duty, were either restrained by this or hindered by that, I looked down upon them. I thought, “What time is it now. You’re still so cowardly. You really have no stature! Both my wife and my father believe in God, and I perform my duty without being hindered. But even if they give up their belief, I won’t be affected. No matter what, I will be faithful to God to the end.” I was convinced that I had a certain stature and was entirely capable of walking properly the final stretch of the path.
At the end of last year, because God’s work did not fit man’s notions, my wife could not drop the family and did not want to believe anymore. No matter how the brothers and sisters fellowshipped with her, she refused to turn back. I worried that she would later hinder me from performing my duty, so I warned myself constantly: I can never be affected by her. After the Spring Festival, she really began to oppose my performing duty. She pressed me to go out to earn money, and she also phoned my father, saying that I ran around outside all day and did not take care of the family. Knowing that, my father phoned me and said, “If you’re really like that, I’ll give up my belief too.” My wife’s giving up her belief is already a blow to me. If father also gives up his belief, then what if they both hinder me in the future? Because of this, I was very distressed, feeling isolated and helpless. Later, because of their hindrance, my faith weakened and my previous enthusiasm disappeared. I always feared that because of my performing duty I would spoil the family harmony and hurt the affections between them and me. Thus, I felt as if I had completely fallen into a bottomless abyss and suffered unspeakably. When I was distressed in the extreme, I remembered hymn 223 of God’s word, “When God Strikes the Shepherds”: “In the future, everyone will have to walk the path he should walk under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Who can take care of others when in the tribulation? Everyone will have his own misery and will be with his own stature, and everyone will be with a different stature. Husbands won’t be able to take care of their wives, and parents won’t be able to take care of their children. At that time, no one will be able to take care of others. … In the future, all those who have no working of the Holy Spirit will show their true self. …parents will persecute their children. The hearts of people are hard to tell! You will have to hold on to what you have to walk walk the final part of the journey. Now, none of you can see it clearly…. It won’t be an easy thing to experience this step of the work successfully.” God’s words warmed my heart and also gave me great comfort. I was suddenly brightened and no longer felt distressed. I only felt ashamed of my stature that could not withstand a single blow. In the past, I boasted that it would not affect me whether my family believed or not. But when the fact came to test my “faith,” I collapsed, became weak, and could not go on. O God, only you know everyone’s true stature and know everyone’s need. Now is the period of the tribulation, the very time for you to expose every kind of person. It is your exposing of them that my wife and my father are like this today. Through this you have also exposed me, causing me to see that my stature is so small, and I am not a person who can “look after” himself well, even less a person who can keep his “faithfulness.” At the same time, I have realized that on this final stretch of the path, you expose the mixtures within me and perfect my faith in you through the people, matters, and things about me, and I have deeply experienced that every trial or every circumstance is a great feast you prepare for me, and is perfecting and love for me. O God! From now on, I will rise up again by the word of life bestowed by you as my motivation, and no longer be restrained by my wife and my father. I will keep my original faith and expend my whole being to walk properly this final stretch of the path.
Yangzhou City, Jiangsu Province