I Will Never Again Say “I Won’t Believe Anymore”
Since God’s family assigned me to be a minister, I had been unwilling to perform this duty. I thought there were many churches and they were far away and thus I had to worry much and suffer much. Therefore, every time I had to force myself to go around watering the churches as I had no alternative.
One day, I had just arrived at a church, when my family-brother (my husband) phoned me to go home immediately for something. It was very hot that day, and I felt very fretful as I bicycled home. When I got home, my family-brother told me, “The leader asks you to immediately inform every church to submit a report of the number of people in their church.” Hearing that, I got irritated and blurted out, “Once God’s family has something to be done, it should be done so urgently. Isn’t this pressing me hard? If such a thing happens again, I simply won’t believe in God anymore!”
On my way home the next day, a motorcycle suddenly whizzed past me and I was hooked down onto the ground. There and then I thought: Surely I must have offended God’s nature and thus incurred God’s discipline. I got up from the ground and found that I suffered no injury; only my shoes and bicycle got broken. As I walked home, I prayed silently: “O God! Today your discipline came to me and there must be something in me that had offended you, but I don’t know in which respect I’ve offended you. Please inspire me! I am willing to know myself.” After the prayer, I suddenly remembered the resentful words I said yesterday when my family-brother told me to inform every church of submitting the report. I realized that because of the resistance in my heart I spoke irresponsibly and thus had offended God’s nature.
When I got home, in The Replies to the Churches in Various Places (2), I read these words: “… We cannot casually say these words ‘I won’t believe anymore’ except to safeguard the circumstance. We can even less use the words to vent the resentment in our heart. This is because saying these words is denying God and offending God and saying these words is a tremendously serious matter, a matter that may cost one his life. Once one has said these words, he has to pay the price for that. Therefore, since we believe in God, we should fear God and watch our tongues, and must not follow our nature to say whatever we want to say. Although sometimes our flesh is weak, we can resolve it by praying and seeking the truth, and we should never say these words to vent our anger. Let’s read God’s word: ‘People believe in God but do not fear God. When your temper flares up or when you rage, you say whatever you want to say. Then you will have to pay some price for what you have said. This is not so simple a matter!’”
Having read the words, I trembled with fear all at once, and realized that it was serious in nature to casually say “I won’t believe anymore.” It is denying and offending God; it’s an awfully grave matter, a matter that may cost one his life. God is the Creator, and he has his own dignity. His nature is not allowed to be offended by anyone, and he’ll never allow a tiny creature to speak irresponsibly and casually before him. If before God one has no heart of fearing him and speaks and does things without principles, and thus has said something that he should not say, then he has to pay the price for his words. In retrospect, since I became a minister, I was always full of complaints because I thought it was hard and tiring to perform this duty. I not only did not realize it was God’s uplifting and perfecting of me, but on the contrary, I thought that God’s family was making things difficult for me. In performing my duty, when God’s family made a little strict and pressing requirement of me, I gave vent to my complaints and anger at will before God, judged viciously that God’s family forced people to do things, and blurted out the word “I won’t believe anymore.” I was really too audacious and presumptuous! I had believed in God for several years, but I did not have any fear of God, denying and rejecting God at will, and did not at all treat God as God is. Wasn’t I purely an arrogant and conceited devil that had no place for God in its heart? I was simply a desperado!
O God, thank you for your discipline and inspiration. I have realized the gravity of indiscreetly and casually saying “I won’t believe anymore” before you. According to your righteous nature of not allowing man’s offense, I should have received punishment and retribution from you. However, today you have not treated me according to my disobedience but only disciplined me to make me know myself. This is your great tolerance and mercy for me. From now on, I will put more time and energy into knowing your nature and forsaking my flesh. When I become disobedient, passive, and weak again, I will, through praying, seek to solve my state with the truth, and never again sin with my mouth. With a heart of fearing you at all times, I will genuinely treat you as God and pursue to be a qualified created being.
Anshan City, Liaoning Province