Once, when a sister and I fellowshipped together, she said that the circumstances of her believing in God were very good: Her husband did not hinder her and she had few worldly relations, so she could do what she pleased without any restriction…. Hearing that, I felt very unbalanced: “The circumstances of her believing in God are so good, but why are mine so troubled? Since I accepted this stage of God’s work, I’ve never had a peaceful day; either my mother-in-law keeps watch on me or my husband hinders me. Besides, I have many relations; today this happens and tomorrow that happens, and I am entangled heavily. Why hasn’t God prepared a good environment for me? It is too unfair.” So I imperceptibly began to complain.
One day, during my spiritual devotions, in The Replies to the Questions from the Churches in Various Places (3) I read this passage: “When encountering things, we always utter complaints in spite of ourselves. On one hand, it is because we have not realized that the surrounding people, matters, and things are all in God’s control, and that they all contain God’s good purposes and are arranged by God in order to perfect us. On the other hand, it is because we do not have a heart that fears God, and when encountering things, we do not pay attention to seeking God’s will but speak recklessly and follow our own nature to say whatever we want to say. On the third hand, it is because we always make demands on God within and always want to receive benefits from God. When what God does touches our flesh or does not satisfy our demands, we thus utter complaints against God. We should be clear that it is a serious matter to always utter complaints. Each time we complain, we will get one stain; and after we complain, our state cannot recover within a long time. More seriously, we may ruin ourselves by uttering complaints. For example, the early Israelites suffered a lot in the wilderness, but because they always uttered complaints, Jehovah’s wrath came upon them and all those who complained ended up falling in the wilderness.”
Reading here, I remembered the complaint I had inwardly when fellowshipping with the sister that day, and I also recollected that I often uttered complaints at ordinary times when encountering things not to my liking. I could not help feeling a little afraid. It’s a serious matter to utter complaints. Each time I complain, I get one stain; and uttering complaints may ruin me. God is the ruler of all things; he has dignity. God’s nature is majestic and intolerant of man’s offense, and he never tolerates man’s disobeying and resisting him at will. However, because what God arranged for me did not accord with my desire, I uttered complaints against God and even said that God showed favoritism. Didn’t I resist God directly? Did I have the slightest fear of God? I was too audacious and presumptuous before God!
Today, through God’s inspiration I have known this: I always uttered complaints because I did not realize that the heavens and the earth and all things are controlled by God. My family circumstances and how much I should suffer have been ordained by God, and there are God’s good purposes in them. Without the persecution by my family, I cannot see clearly that there is no true affection in the world and thus cannot cast off my emotion. Without the complicated interpersonal relationships, I cannot see clearly how satan fools and afflicts me, and thus cannot stir up the resolution to pursue the true life and follow God to the end…. Isn’t all this God’s perfecting and salvation for me? However, in such circumstances I did not seek God’s intention and could not see God’s hand. Instead, I spoke recklessly and uttered complaints against God at will. If it had not been for God’s tolerance and mercy for man during the period of his incarnation, such a treacherous person as me who does not have any fear of God and does not at all treat God as God, would have long since died in God’s wrath.
O God, from now on, I will never again complain about you. I only desire to equip myself with more truths and know your nature. When encountering things I can’t see clearly or can’t understand your intention behind, I will believe that they all contain your love and salvation; and with a fearful heart, I will submit to your control and arrangement absolutely, come before you to seek your intention consciously, and practice the truth to satisfy you.
Diaobingshan City, Liaoning Province