65. I Will No Longer Be Blindfolded by Good Intentions
Meng Yu Pingdingshan City, Henan Province
Once while performing my duty, I noticed that a brother was trying to please his sisters, a demonstration of the evil aspect of his disposition in my eyes. I decided to look for an opportunity to remind him of these things. Days passed and I noticed his performance of duty became less fruitful—evidence of my previous judgment of him. So I decided to speak with him face-to-face. However, when we touched upon this matter, he sternly denied all my comments and retorted that I was judgmental. “For all these years,” he said, “whenever you communicate with me, you lecture me in a condescending attitude, and today you speak in the same condescending manner….” The communication turned out worse than fruitless—it broke apart in complete disagreement. His reaction led me to a bitter conclusion, thinking: “I communicated to help, not to embarrass you by exposing your shortcomings. Instead of listening, you looked for fault in me and accused me of being condescending. Fine! I will leave you alone. Nevertheless, my intentions were good, and your rejection only shows that you don’t seek truth.” Since then, I’ve always considered myself as the one who was correct, while thinking the brother was the only one at fault. However, I recently gained knowledge of myself through dealing with the people, things and objects that God has placed around me.
Days ago, the church assigned a new task to one of my young brothers. He used to be in a poor condition, but since the arrangement, he was transformed into a new man, more energetic in mind and more confident in word. One day, he communicated to me with a tone, expression and manner that left me deeply irritated. I knew he communicated God’s will and spoke truly about me, but I just couldn’t listen to him, let alone accept what he said. As I was about to erupt, I suddenly saw myself in him and remembered the tone and expression I used several months ago when I communicated with my brother. No wonder I was regarded as condescending. What he felt was sincere, and I have now felt the same disgust that he experienced from me—like the nauseous feeling of eating a dead fly. God arranged such an environment to enable me to see this truth: A man with good intentions but an unchanged disposition has no place for God in his heart, thus, what he reveals is natural, and the embodiment of his satanic disposition. Right then, I remembered something from Christ’s communion: “Knowing yourself is: The more you feel you have done well in a certain area, the more you think you have done the right thing in a certain area, the more you think you can satisfy God’s intentions in a certain area, and the more you think you are worthy of boasting in a certain area—the more it is worth for you to know yourself in these areas and the more it is worth for you to dig deep into them to see what impurities there are and what things cannot satisfy God’s intentions” (“Knowing Yourself Requires Knowing Your Deep-rooted Thoughts and Views” in Records of Christ’s Talks). By this, God means to teach men to understand the lack of purity in their words and actions. Because men are naturally rebellious and are an enemy to God, their actions, unless corrected by truth, are naturally resistant to God. Those who think their behaviors are in accordance with the truth and beyond reproach, are actually unchanged in disposition, and not yet perfected by God. They are still opposing God in terms of their inner essence and they are revealing their satanic disposition. There are so many impurities in men that need to be dissected, recognized and addressed. Now as I look back upon my communication with that brother, I had justified my correctness by my good intentions, but I failed to notice that I took a false stance in my communication. I placed myself as the master of truth, someone who can tell whether others are behaving normally, and who discerns perfectly; I pressed hard on my listener for acceptance and labeled him as “not being a truth seeker” at the slightest sign of disagreement. What have I revealed? Arrogance, harshness, oppression, discipline—the disgusting and repulsive dispositions of Satan. Is there any difference between what I have revealed and the political oppressions in numerous political movements whipped onward by the great red dragon? The great red dragon relied on nothing but its own intentions when it planted accusations and subjected people to brutal oppressions. I didn’t truly pray to God or seek His guidance before I communicated with my brother, nor did I validate whether he was truly at fault before I drew on my previous impression, attributed his fruitless performance to an existence under evil’s influence, and pressed hard for his acceptance of accusation. Now I realize that my inherent nature is identical to that of the great red dragon—every move I made, my looks and manners of speech all reeked with the arrogant dispositions which are typically revealed in the great red dragon. How can I be of benefit to men with my rotten disposition? How could the Holy Spirit work through me? Without His work, how can I expect to bring forth fruit with my communication? Now I see that communication was fruitless, not because of the brother’s rejection of truth, but because I didn’t place God in my heart and I was not a correct man before God. What I revealed was not only detested by God, but also by men.
Thanks to God’s actual work, I know myself and understand that if men are not changed in disposition, they cannot help but reveal Satan’s corrupt disposition even if they think that they have good intentions and appropriate demeanors, and then they should understand themselves. From now on, I will seek to focus on changes in the dispositions of my life, to know myself and change my inherent nature, to hold from making judgments with superficial glances, to refrain from the tendency to stop looking for fault in myself when I have good intentions, to seek to know myself in everything, to achieve changes in disposition and to bring comfort to God’s heart.