Every time the leader set for me a quota for preaching the gospel, I never truly obeyed in my heart. But after the sister who watered fellowshipped with us last month about the purpose and significance of setting a quota, I was enlightened suddenly as if two windows were opened in my heart, and since then I was willing to accept the quota. In practically managing the work, though I encountered many difficulties as before, yet at the thought of the sister’s fellowship I felt especially encouraged. I no longer intended to give in to myself or give excuses, but strengthened my confidence to practice the truth. As a result, I really filled the quota by the end of the month. Thereafter, I had a place for this sister in my heart. I thought that my state was solved by the sister and my being effective in the gospel work was also brought by her.
Early the second month, my state was getting worse. No matter what the leader fellowshipped with me about, I could not take it in. When reading the word of God, I just skimmed the surface and did not intend to use it to resolve my state. Rather, every day I expected the sister to come to resolve it for me. I waited for a month but she did not come. For the whole month I lived in passivity, limp all over, always wanting to sleep, and missing my family and my child; and the work results fell drastically. In this hopeless situation, I had to fall down before God to examine the reason for my work being ineffective. In my prayer, I remembered Article 8 in “The Ten Administrative Decrees God’s Chosen People Must Keep”: “Since you believe in God, you should obey God and worship God, should not exalt man, should not look up to man…. You should not have a place for any man in your heart and should not consider man, especially the man you adore, to be the same as God or to be equal with God. This is what God cannot tolerate.” The inspiration of God’s words made me realize that because of looking up to man I had offended the administrative decree and thus fallen into chastisement. I was very afraid in my heart. Then I remembered these words I previously read in the Fellowship of the Man attached to The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations: “If there is really such a person who is indeed very admirable, we may make a dissection of him. His corrupt nature is the same as ours; he merely has more inspiration and enlightenment from the Holy Spirit than we have, but he doesn’t have any lovely element for others to love. If what he says is in accordance with the truth, we can receive it as from God and thank God for his grace; it has nothing to do with this person. If you adore man, you have taken the branch for the root and have forgotten the source. This shows that you are a person who is blind and doesn’t know God.” Facing God’s administrative decree and the words in the Fellowship of the Man, I realized that God is holy and has dignity. God does not allow anyone to worship idols while serving him, for only God is worthy to be exalted and looked up to by man, and only God is the expresser of the truth and is man’s life supply. However, I took the branch for the root, thinking that my state was solved by the sister and my work result was brought by her, ascribing the results achieved by the Holy Spirit’s working to the sister. I was even unwilling to seek God’s words when I had difficulties, and my heart of expecting the sister was far beyond my heart of relying on God. I saw that I was so foolish, blind, and extremely muddled. How could I not be loathed and hated by God? And how could I not lose the working of the Holy Spirit?
Thank God that his chastisement and judgment has made me return before God again. In my future service, I will remove man’s place from my heart and let my heart be occupied by God. No matter what happens to me, I will exalt God, look to God, and be a person who worships God.
Dengta City, Liaoning Province