Because of performing my duty, I had no time to look after my little granddaughter, which displeased my son and daughter-in-law. On many occasions they threatened to sever ties with me, and said that they would no longer take care of me. When I heard that, I underwent a fierce war in my heart: If I agree to look after my little granddaughter, that will interfere with my performing duty and I can’t expend myself for God body and heart. If I do not help them look after her, they will leave me unattended when I am old. What if I suffer an illness or a disaster? Who is to attend to me?
When I felt distressed and sorrowful about that and did not know what to do, hymn 324 of God’s word, “Why Does God Always Fail to Arouse the Inspiration in People’s Hearts,” rang in my ears: “Why are people always sorrowful? Why do they pay no attention to God’s existence even when they are grieved? … Why do people reject God? Why do they not love God with a sincere heart? Why do they never come before God? Has God spoken all his words in vain?” Under the guidance of God’s words, I prayed to God: O Almighty God, I am willing to satisfy you, but I always consider my future path of living and always worry about having no one to take care of me. I feel very distressed. I am willing to seek the truth in this matter. May you guide and inspire me, and give me faith and strength.
One day, in the man’s fellowship attached to Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers, I read this passage: “…people’s faith is too little, and they always think that if they do not plan and prepare for themselves, they cannot live and have no way to go on. Actually, if one expends himself for God, his path will become wider and wider. If one leaves God and lives for himself, he will have no way to go. However much he may plan and prepare, it is futile, because everything is in God’s hand and is ordained by God. …whether people can truly commit themselves to God and completely expend themselves for God, giving up their own plans and preparations, without considering their future, and without caring about whether they themselves will die or live. This is really a great challenge to people’s faith. Can you give yourself up?”
These words woke me up all at once. God is the ruler of all things. My son and daughter-in-law are in God’s hand. God has arranged them to test me and see whether I have true faith in God, whether I can drop my plans for my future and way of escape, and whether I can give all I have to fulfill my duty and satisfy God. As a created being, I should consider how to perform my bounden duty properly and how to do my best to expend myself for God. This is the only right path. If I walk along this path, I will find it increasingly broad and bright. This is because, with God, I have everything. My life comes from God, and my life, death, misfortunes, and happiness are all in God’s hand. If I always seek a way out for my flesh, it means that I distrust God; if I feel worried about my future and way of escape and live in distress, it means that I have fallen into satan’s scheme. I should know that no matter how many plans or preparations I may make for myself, if I have no God’s grace and mercy, they will be futile.
O God, thank you that your exposing has made me see that I still live under satan’s power and cannot get released, always considering my way of escape and having no true faith in you. From now on, I will live by your word and commit the rest of my life into your hand. No matter how painful or difficult it may be, I will follow you. I will stop considering my future and way of escape and pursue to be a person simply obedient and faithful to you, so as to comfort your heart.
Jinan City, Shandong Province