At a meeting, we fellowshipped about the eleven requirements that God has made of man in “A Very Serious Problem—Betrayal (2).” After the fellowship, moved by the Holy Spirit, I knelt down before God and took oaths item by item: I am willing to meet the last requirements God has made of man.
Before long, because of the demands of the work, I was transferred to Inner Mongolia to perform my duty. When I got off the bus, I seemed to have entered another world. I saw no blocks of high and big buildings or wide and straight asphalt roads, nor heard any whiz and honk of automobiles coming and going on the roads. What I saw were only the old, low, and crude brick or adobe houses and the winding and bumpy country paths. As far as I could see, all that my eyes met was the yellow sandy soil. Furthermore, what I could hardly face was that most of the brothers and sisters there had just learned Chinese, and some of them could only speak Chinese but could not understand God’s word written in Chinese at all. When we had meetings, either they complained I spoke so fast that they could not understand me, or they spoke with each other in Mongolian and I could not understand them. In the face of all this, I felt an unspeakable distress and desolation.
One day, on the way to where I performed my duty, the wind was blowing very hard, the sandy soil filled the air, and it was dark all round. Pushing the bicycle, I was walking forward with great difficulty. Suddenly, a gust of strong wind blew in my direction, and my face and whole body were covered with sandy soil. It was so windy and dusty that I could not even open my eyes; I closed my mouth tightly for fear of the sandy soil entering. At that moment, I could no longer restrain the strong resentment in my heart. I threw the bicycle upon the roadside and sat down onto a sandy-soil heap and broke out crying. Misunderstandings and complaints overwhelmingly welled up in my heart: The living conditions here are terribly poor, and the brothers and sisters are so difficult to lead. And if I fail to do the work well, I will be dealt with, and neither God nor men will be pleased with me. If this continues, what can I gain? During these several years of believing in God, I have been performing my duty away from home all the time; my youth has gone, and my marriage has been given up; but now I’ve gained nothing with empty hands…. The more I thought, the more grieved I felt; and I even regretted having chosen the path of believing in God.
Just when I felt extremely distressed, God’s words rang in my ears: “Can you be my faithful follower and rather gain nothing than not suffer for me all your life?” At the same time, the Holy Spirit also guided me within: Haven’t you taken the oath before God that you would be his faithful follower and would rather gain nothing than not suffer all your life for him? Have you forgotten all these? Could what you return to God be these misunderstandings, complaints, and betrayals?
Inspired by God’s word and guided by the Holy Spirit, I stopped crying. All at once I understood this: Actually, by arranging this circumstance today, God is to use the fact to verify my reply to him, for God is faithful. Since I have laid my oaths on God’s altar, God will perfect me according to my resolutions and arrange appropriate circumstances to give me chances to practice the truth, so that I can meet God’s requirements and finally be perfected by him to be an overcomer. However, I only laid my oaths on God’s altar to win God’s trust but never intended to put them into practice. So, when God used the fact to check my reply, what I gave God in return were all misunderstandings and complaints; and I even regretted having walked the path of believing in God and nearly forsook God. How could such a choice of mine be worthy of God’s considerate intention of saving me?
The more I thought, the more remorseful I felt. So I prayed to God in my heart: “O God, thank you for exposing me, and so I’ve realized that my nature of betraying you is so deep-rooted that I may forsake you anytime and anywhere when in adverse circumstances. Meanwhile, I have also seen that your last requirements are really great keeping and salvation for me. Today the circumstance befalls me, and though it has brought some suffering to my flesh and caused my heart to be greatly tormented, you are just by such hardships to give me the will to suffer, so that I can possess the conditions to be perfected by you and meet your last requirements for me. O God! I can’t disobey and hurt your heart anymore. I am willing to give you a satisfactory reply with my practical performances. I am willing to be your faithful follower and would rather gain nothing than not suffer all my life for you.”
Having thought of this, I immediately stood up from the sandy-soil heap, feeling that I was filled with unfailing strength. At that moment, the fierce wind, sandy soil, the future, or destiny was no longer a threat to me. Then, I took the bicycle and, against the wind-borne sand, walked toward the church.
Tieling City, Liaoning Province