Since I accepted God’s work, the brothers and sisters had often pointed out my defects to me, saying that I spoke in a harsh tone and dominated people. So I spoke very carefully. When I saw someone spoke mildly and others liked to contact him, I envied him very much. And I did my utmost to imitate him. When I spoke, I lowered my voice deliberately and tried hard not to lose my temper. My purpose was to get transformed in this respect.
After a period of time, I felt that I was just about transformed. One day, when I phoned the leader, he told me that the brothers and sisters made a complaint about me saying that I dominated people, and he reminded me to pay attention to that thereafter…. Putting down the phone, I felt very upset: O God! I’ve done my best to transform myself. How come they still say I dominate them….
When I returned to the host home, I opened The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations, and read these words of God: “The transformation of nature does not refer to the change in behavior, the feigned change in appearance, or the change out of temporary zealousness. Rather, it is the behavioral change brought about when the nature is truly transformed. This kind of behavioral change is different from the change of practice in man’s outward behavior.” “In general, a person whose nature is transformed behaves with good sense and discernment. Because of understanding the truth, he expresses less arrogance and self-rightness, for he sees through everything. After seeing through, he is no longer able to be arrogant. As to what position a man should stand in, what things he should do to have sense, what he should do to keep his duty, what words he should say and what words he should not say, and what he should say and what he should do to different people, he knows all these things quite well. So, he has had quite sound sense. …above all, his inner life has been transformed, the truth expressed by God has become life within him, some of the satanic poisons within him have been cleared away, and his viewpoints of seeing things have changed completely…. This is the most radical change, and this is the substantive thing of the transformation of nature.” Reading here, I realized that the transformation of one’s nature means the transformation of his inner life and is based on his having the true knowledge of God, of the truth, and of himself; it is not the change of his outward behavior. However, when the brothers and sisters pointed out that I spoke in a harsh tone and dominated people, I did not try to know my arrogant inherent nature from my expressions; instead, I blindly imitated others’ speaking tone, thinking that I had gained the transformation of my nature when I spoke mildly. Such knowledge of mine was really too erroneous! Today, God gave me the commission as a leader in order for me to sustain people with the truth and bring the brothers and sisters before God through fellowshipping about the truth. However, I sat up on high, could not get on with the brothers and sisters on equal terms, and could not resolve their difficulties with the truth; on the contrary, I was arrogant and self-important and did not know myself. Thus, even if I spoke in a milder tone, my nature would not be transformed in the least.
O God, thank you for the inspiration of your words. It has caused me to have a little knowledge of the transformation of nature and have the way of practice. I have realized that for one to pursue the transformation of his nature is not to imitate others in practice or to change his outward behavior; rather, it is to pay attention to knowing his corrupt inherent nature and to cast off his corrupt nature through pursuing the truth and practicing the truth. From now on, I will spend more time and energy on the truths concerning knowing myself, and pay attention to examining and knowing myself in everything I encounter, so as to be a person who has sense and who pursues the transformation of his nature.
Laixi City, Shandong Province