In September 2003, God’s family assigned me to a writing team covering three working areas to revise communication articles on life experience. I did not pursue to perform my duty properly to satisfy God because of God’s uplifting. Instead, I thought, “Now, three working areas; in the future I will be able to revise articles in the whole district.” In order for God’s family to discover me the “talent” and promote me, I revised the articles “diligently.” I always paid attention to wording but ignored the principles of examining and selecting articles. I examined and selected and revised articles according to my own preferences, intents, and viewpoints. Some time later, I was dismissed.
After I came back to the church, I found that some of the brothers and sisters had been promoted and some transferred away. They were greatly used by God, while I came back home, going downhill. I felt very distressed, thinking, “It seems that I’m just a serving one, and my doing service ends today. I have been completely exposed by God. Even if I continue following God, I’ll be eliminated.” At that time, I seemed to have entered a boundless marshland, struggling in pain.
One day, hymn 258 of God’s word “God’s Love Is the Truest” inspired me: “All that God does is true love for you. He judges you for your sins, so that you will examine yourselves and receive this great salvation. He does all this work for working people. He has been doing his utmost to save people from beginning to end. He does not at all want to destroy people whom he created with his own hands. Now he has come among you to do the work, so that you can receive his greatest salvation and receive all his love. Isn’t this even more salvation? God does not have hatred for you or have any bad intention toward you. You should know that God’s love is the truest, but because people are disobedient, he has to save them with judgment; otherwise they still could not be saved. …he does not have the heart to leave you falling away, to see you living in the filthy place like this, to leave you trampled by satan as it likes, or to let you fall into Hades, but he only wishes to gain and thoroughly save this group of people. …” God’s earnest and sincere words shook my heart and made me feel the love of God. The work God does on me is salvation, not elimination. Because I have been corrupted too deeply, I did the work with my own intents and purposes. I pursued position and pursued to rise head and shoulders above others but did not pursue the truth and did not pursue to perform my duty properly to satisfy God. As a result, I held up the work of God’s family. God did not want me to go astray and could not bear to see me ruin myself by pursuing position, so he had to save me with chastisement and judgment. Today, I have been dismissed so that I can examine and know myself and thus wake up. Otherwise, I would still pursue according to my wrong viewpoint, and eventually I would only bring destruction upon myself. God’s such exposing is a keeping for me; such chastisement and judgment is a great salvation for me and is the most real love for me. I did not offer up my praise because of God’s salvation, but on the contrary misunderstood and stayed away from God. I did not know God’s work, even less understand God’s kind intention. I was really too numb. Although I have now lost my position and fame and have also suffered a little refining, God’s love has not left me. In the refining I have seen my ugly manner of pursuing for position and realized that pursuing position will only bring destruction upon oneself. Besides, I have understood God’s kind intention, and experienced that everything God does is love for man. O God, I thank and praise you. From now on, wherever you may put me, I will obey your manipulation and arrangement, right my intent and viewpoint, and cease to pursue for position. I will pursue the truth and the transformation of my nature, and perform my duty properly to satisfy you.
Jimo City, Shandong Province