God’s family assigned me to be a truth-entering examiner. As I was new to the work and lacked confidence, when I went to the church for the first time, I earnestly called on and prayed to God. At the meeting, I received the working of the Holy Spirit and my fellowship achieved some results. Then I felt very pleased, thinking that I was quite competent and there should be no big problem for me to perform this duty. That evening, when I did my spiritual devotions, I somehow could not read God’s word, nor could I answer the questions. I felt that my state was abnormal. There must be something wrong with me so that I was loathed by God. So, I came before God and began to examine myself. I prayed twice but could not get through; I read several pieces of God’s word but did not feel brightened. Failing to discover anything, I was discouraged, thinking, “I’ve tried so hard but still can’t find out the cause. Give it up. I’ll know and turn around my state when God inspires me.”
Thus, I opened the book of God’s word and aimlessly flipped the pages. Then I came across these words: “Life experience is the result of God’s inspiration and guidance and also the fruit of your subjective efforts. You should all have this demand, ‘I can’t excuse myself in life experience.’” “You should also have the resolution that ‘I won’t do anything without the presence of the Holy Spirit, and I won’t have the desire to do anything until I achieve results.’ Do not give in to yourself.” “Cooperate with me actively and initiatively. Do not be slothful in zeal…. Do not be overanxious to understand what you do not understand. It is not that I will not tell you, but that I want to see whether you trust in me and whether you have faith to rely on me. You always draw near to me, put everything into my hand, and do not return empty-handed; … my intention will be revealed to you.”
Yes! Life experience is the result of God’s inspiration and guidance, but to receive them one needs to have resolution and perseverance and make subjective efforts to cooperate with God. However, when I examined myself for the cause of my bad state, because I cooperated a little but failed to find it out, I became discouraged and impatient and simply gave up seeking, only waiting passively for the Holy Spirit to work. How then could I receive God’s inspiration? Now I know it is not that God will not inspire me, but that God is testing whether I rely on him with a true heart and whether I have perseverance in seeking the truth. I can’t give in to myself anymore; I must continue to cooperate with God.
Under the encouragement of God’s words, I began to pray and seek once again. Eventually, I realized in my prayer that I was loathed by God because I had stolen God’s glory after the meeting in the daytime. Then, I found God’s words concerning the stealing of God’s glory to read. I realized that all the work was done by God Godself, so I gave the glory to God. At the moment, I felt very much gratified and brightened.
Through this experience, I understand that in seeking the truth one must have faith and perseverance. God is faithful; as long as one pursues the truth with a firm will and cooperates with God with a sincere heart, God’s intention will be revealed to him. In future, when I do not understand God’s intention, I will seek with my whole heart and not give in to myself or excuse myself. I will never give up until I gain the truth.
Benxi City, Liaoning Province