It Is Never Wrong to Commit My All to God
God’s word says: “Although you are now doing things for me in my presence, yet in your heart you are still thinking about your wife, children, and parents at home. Are all these your inheritance? Why not put these in my hands? Do you distrust me? Or you fear what I arrange for you is improper?” In the past, I had eaten and drunk this passage of God’s word many times and also accepted it doctrinally, but when I encountered things, I always felt it wasn’t secure to commit them to God. Although I was performing my duty away from home, I was often concerned about my son left at home, always worrying that he alone at home could not eat well or dress warmly and could not care for himself. Consequently, my heart was often disturbed and occupied by this matter. Later, through a matter, I came to see thoroughly that my faith in God was so little and so poor.
That was an autumn day. While I was riding my bike in the wind and rain, I suddenly heard a woman nearby saying to another, “Let’s hurry up! I wonder how my child is in the cold.” Such a mere word evoked my thought for my child. My son is just 13 years old. My husband isn’t at home, and I haven’t been home for three months. In the past when I was at home, my son needed me to call him to have his meals, to hurry him up to go to school, and to pass him clothes to put on. But now being left alone at home, does he know how to take care of himself? Does he know to put on more clothes when it is cold? … A series of thoughts and worries flooded my mind all at once. At that time, although I prayed with my lips, inwardly I couldn’t stop thinking about him. And later, I forced myself to go through with the afternoon’s meeting and then hurried home by bus, burning with impatience.
At eight o’clock that night, I arrived home, and my son hadn’t yet come back from school. I opened the gate. The yard was cold and cheerless; the coal fire in the kitchen had long been out; and there wasn’t any little hot water in the thermos bottle. Seeing all this, I could no longer hold back my tears…. I hardly dared imagine how my son lived his life. Just at that moment, I suddenly heard my son calling me happily, “Mum, you’re back!” As soon as I saw him, I hastened to ask him if he was cold, if he was afraid when being at home alone at night, and how he made his meals…. My son gave a sigh and said, “Mum, you believe in Almighty God running around all day, but how could you have no faith!” My son’s words struck me dumb, but I still couldn’t be relieved. And I hastily asked him again, “Could you manage to get up for the morning class? Were you afraid on your way to school? Did you cry when there was nobody at home with you? …” Before I finished my questions, my son said with another sigh, “Mum, I’ve grown up now. I can take care of myself. In the morning the alarm clock wakes me up; I eat at school; and when it’s cold, I know to put on more clothes. I’m old enough; could I let myself go hungry? How can you have no faith in God?” Just like this, my son said several times that I didn’t have any faith; and I now realized that God was reminding me through him. Then I thought of these words of God: “Although you are now doing things for me in my presence, yet in your heart you are still thinking about your wife, children, and parents at home. Are all these your inheritance? Why not put these in my hands? Do you distrust me? Or you fear that what I arrange for you is improper?” O God! Your words make me feel bitterly ashamed. I indeed had no faith in you, worrying that what you arranged for me was improper. But today, all that happened before my eyes has greatly counterattacked my notions and has gone beyond my imagination. My son not only didn’t suffer from hunger or cold, but he has become more obedient and sensible than before. He is quite good at taking care of himself when being alone at home and has given up many bad habits. Looking at him, I really feel he has grown up a lot. O God, I know that all this is your grace, your keeping and care, because all matters and all things are in your hands. O God! May you give me faith. I’m willing to drop all this and offer up my loyalty to you. From now on, I will never worry about my son again when performing my duty away from home, because the fact has proved this: it is never wrong to commit everything to you!
Zhoukou City, Henan Province