“…to be honest means to do things and speak without any impurity and not to cheat God and not to cheat others. However, what I am saying is very simple, but it is extremely difficult for you. Many people would rather go to hell than speak honest words and do honest things. …” Facing these words, I always could not relate them to myself. I said to myself, “Is it really so difficult to be an honest person? I don’t think so!” Later, God exposed me through a fact, which convinced me completely.
In the matter of reporting the number of the believers, I had never been serious before. Each month I simply added the number of the new believers to that of the old believers and then reported the total. At the last meeting, we talked a lot about the truth concerning being an honest person, and I began to feel accused and uneasy. I thought to myself, “After I go back, I can’t act according to my imagination anymore. I’ll make a good check on the number before I report it.”
After I carefully checked the number, I was dumbfounded: There was actually an overcount of 10, and twelve of the new believers had dropped out. I was very distressed and my mind became turbulent: What should I do? How can I give an account? What will the leader say about me? What will the brothers and sisters think of me? I will underreport the number of people gained next month and secretly make up the difference by myself? In this way, nobody will know about it…. While I contemplated doing so, God’s words came to me: “I am the God who searches hearts and minds. Don’t act one way to others’ faces and another behind their backs. … You can deceive man, but cannot deceive me.” Ah, yes. Man may not know it, but how can God not know it? How can this small trick of mine escape God’s eyes? But if I don’t do so, how can I make up the difference? I tossed about and was in terrible fidgets, feeling that to speak out the true fact was even harder than to be killed. The more I thought about it, the more distressed I became. I suffered to a degree. I felt that I really could not bring myself to face this fact. When I was in darkness and was unable to extricate myself, God’s word inspired me within: “Many people would rather go to hell than speak honest words and do honest things.” Facing the disclosure of God’s word, I felt ashamed of myself and wished to sink through the ground. Only then did I truly realize that what God’s word disclosed was just my true state. I saw my ugly self that for the sake of my face and position, I would rather die than be an honest person. I was really too ugly and debased! Then I made a resolution inwardly: No matter how hard and difficult it may be, I will rebel against my flesh and be an honest person, cheating neither God nor men. Through this experience, I came to realize that it is really not easy to be an honest person. I prostrated myself completely before the word of God.
Gaotang City, Shandong Province