One day in the summer of 1998, when I was preaching the gospel in some other place, a sister found me and told me that something had happened to my family, and she asked me to go home immediately. When I reached home, I got to know that my twelve-year-old daughter was drowned. At that time, I felt as if stricken by thunderbolts. Heartbroken, I could not control myself: “God! Why? Why did this thing happen to me?” I collapsed completely and was full of complaints against God: “God! Even those who resist you do not meet such a thing. I have been performing my duty away from home, but you treat me like this. How can I believe in you in future?” The more I thought, the more distressed I felt. The more I thought, the more passive I became. During that period of time, I always lived in the state of misunderstanding and complaining against God, and lived in the agony of missing my daughter.
However, God’s love never left me. One day, I read this word of God: “The surrounding circumstances, people, matters, and things are all permitted by the throne.” My heart calmed down a little. Then I remembered these words of God: “When you are undergoing trials, whether you are weak or whether you are passive within and whether you do not understand God’s will or whether you are not very clear about the ways of practice, it is normal. But in any case you should have faith in God’s work and should be like Job who did not deny God. Although Job was weak and cursed the day he was born, he did not deny that all the things man had from his birth were bestowed by Jehovah and taken away by Jehovah. No matter how he was tried, he thought that way.” Under the inspiration of God’s words, my heart was much brightened. Job was a righteous man and God took away all that he had, but he did not have any complaints, because he knew that Jehovah gave and Jehovah took away. He knew that everything he owned came from God, so he could let God manipulate, and could hold the testimony for God when satan made a wager with God. Isn’t what happened to me today also allowed by God? How can I fathom the good purpose of God? God asked Abraham to offer Isaac and he obeyed willingly; Peter was asked to be crucified to sacrifice himself for God and Peter did not ask why…. Aren’t all these saints of past generations examples to me? When the trial came upon me today, however, I lost my faith and complained bitterly against God, and I even wanted to leave God. Compared with them, I really do not deserve to live. In fact, isn’t my daughter’s life and death in God’s hand? Can I control it? Isn’t it God who gives and takes away? What God does I cannot fathom, but it is definitely right, because God’s substance is righteous. As a created being, I ought to completely submit to God’s manipulation and arrangement. Although now I cannot fully understand God’s intention, I am willing to hold the testimony for God and will no longer be passive or complain against God. As I thought of these, I felt as if a heavy load was lifted off me, no longer so distressed.
O Almighty God! Thank you that you have pulled me back from the verge of danger. Thank you that your word has given me faith and strength. It is you who have kept me and enabled me to stand in this trial. In the future, whatever trials may come upon me, I will act by your word, hold the testimony for you, and follow you to the end.
Rizhao City, Shandong Province