Once I had a meeting with the church leaders. When I asked about their own individual states, two of them said that they recently manifested many corruptions in sexual matters. I could not but think that in respect of the sexes I was also quite corrupt and manifested many corruptions in being exposed by God, and I even had suffered God’s discipline and dealing. So I intended to find God’s words of exposing man’s evil nature and, together with my own corrupt states, to fellowship with them. But then I thought, “If I tell my subordinates of the expressions of my evil nature, what views will they have of me? They definitely won’t have a good impression of me from now on. I’d better not talk about that. It’s enough to find more relevant words of God to fellowship with them.” So I began to look for God’s words and fellowship with them. Although my talk was eloquent and logical, every one of them looked confused and sleepy and made no response.
Seeing such a situation, I began to ponder in my heart, “My fellowship is quite clear, but why are they so indifferent? What’s wrong?”
In my seeking, I thought of these words in a piece of work arrangement distributed recently: “A person who pursues the truth will examine his corrupt states while reading God’s word, and when fellowshipping about God’s word he not only talks about his knowledge of God’s word but also the knowledge of himself. No matter what corruption he has manifested, he could lay it bare so that the brothers and sisters can be edified and, at the same time, his own corruption can also be solved. This is also the best way to lead the people to enter into the word of God. An arrogant and conceited person won’t do this, nor will a crooked and crafty person. Only an honest, simple, and open person will talk about the knowledge of himself. This is an important aspect to discern whether a person accepts the truth and whether he enters into the reality. Such a practice can best reveal people. A person who has no true knowledge of himself definitely has no reality. If a leader or a worker seldom talks about the knowledge of himself and seldom fellowships simply and openly about the knowledge of his own corruptions and transgressions, then this is sufficient to prove that he is an arrogant and conceited person, a crooked and crafty person, and a hypocrite, and that he is definitely has no reality.”
At the moment, I realized that I had fellowshipped about so many words of God but failed to resolve the states of the church leaders and this was because in my fellowship I did not talk anything about my own corrupt states or the knowledge of myself but only talked about the letters without any reality. The work arrangement says that when one solves others’ states, the best way to lead them to enter into the reality of God’s word is that he can lay bare and fellowship whatever corruptions he has manifested, and bring true edification to the brothers and sisters through talking about the knowledge of himself. However, when I resolved the corrupt states of the brothers and sisters in the evil respect, though I clearly had the expressions of this respect, I was not willing to lay them bare before them because of caring about my fame and face. Instead, I concealed my corruptions and did not say a single word about them; I only found out God’s words and talked about some letters and doctrines high-soundingly before them. Wasn’t I purely a crooked and crafty hypocrite? As I fellowshipped this way, how could I help them know themselves and show them the ways of practice? And how could I bring true edification to them? No wonder I fellowshipped for quite a while but achieved no results.
Having thought of this, I began to talk about my own corrupt state in that respect, the dealings and disciplines I suffered in that respect, along with the truths concerning that respect. Through fellowshipping, I not only had understood God’s attitude toward this kind of people and came to know God’s holy nature, but also gained a deeper knowledge of my own evil nature.
After the meeting, one of the sisters said to me: “In the past, I dared not talk about the corruptions of this respect before you for fear that you would laugh at me and look down on me. I thought that you were not corrupt in the respect of the sexes. I regarded you as a holy person.” When hearing these words, I felt very bad and realized that it was really deceitful and harmful to conceal my ugly features, which led to the result that the brothers and sisters thought highly of me and dared not tell their innermost thoughts to me. Only then did I realize that when one fellowshipped with others, it was really necessary to expose his own corruptions, and only such fellowship would be beneficial both to others and himself.
From now on, I am willing to be an honest, simple, and open person. No matter which aspect of corruptions I have manifested, I will never again wrap myself up, and I will pursue to enter into the reality of God’s word together with the brothers and sisters, so as to cast off my corrupt nature soon.
Chifeng City, Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region