Knowledge of My Arrogant and Self-Right Inherent Nature
Over quite a long time after I accepted God’s work, I did not take seriously God’s word “Every man’s inherent nature is arrogant, conceited, self-important, and self-right.” I always thought that as far as my character was concerned, such words as “arrogant and self-right” had nothing to do with me. However, when the facts were laid before my eyes, I had to bow my head.
Last August or September, God’s family assigned a sister to coordinate with me. Somehow, at the first sight of her I disliked her very much: She was not only short but dressed herself improperly; she spoke in a neither countrified nor citified tone, which grated on my ear…. In a word, I found her disagreeable in every way. Because I had prejudices against her, when we coordinated together I always had an aversion to her in my heart. I felt that she could not fellowship about any truth, that she could not present any good ways when we discussed the clues, and that sometimes her words were irritating…. I even thought: I don’t know why God’s family has sent such a brainless person to coordinate with me. At times such prejudices were obviously expressed through my words and behavior. Once in a meeting, she called my name and wanted to speak to me. But I pretended not to hear it, thinking, “I’m tired of seeing you; how could I waste time talking with you?” So my prejudices against the sister grew deeper and deeper as time went on. But I had no knowledge of it all along. Thus, God’s dealings and disciplines accompanied me all the time: In the meetings I was dealt with by the brothers and sisters; while I performed my duty, no matter whose bike I rode, it went wrong; worst of all, the gospel work in our church never improved during two months. In these dealings and disciplines, I knew that something was wrong within me, but I never realized that all of them resulted from my prejudices against the sister.
Some time later, a sister came to fellowship with me. After I told her all my prejudices against that sister, she said, “This state is actually very serious. You should correct it quickly. Otherwise, it will hinder your life greatly. If it proceeds, you’ll probably offend God.”
Hearing the sister’s words, I felt the seriousness of the matter. Considering the consequences, I could not help feeling afraid. Then she opened The Summary of Christ’s Preachings and Conversations, and we read together these words in the man’s fellowship attached to it: “All the workers are selected from the churches. They receive commissions from God and undertake the important tasks of leading the churches, watering the churches, and spreading the work. They perform their duties in God’s family for completing God’s commissions to achieve the purpose of carrying out God’s will. As to their works, everyone should give support and cooperation to them. No matter what errors or defects there are in their works, others must never take a hostile attitude toward them. However, some people’s behavior of treating the workers is not good. They gossip about and find fault with the workers, and even dig at, attack, and exclude them. It can be said that this behavior is the manifestation of their arrogant and self-important nature. Even worse, some people treat the workers by rejecting them and shutting the door on them. Such behavior is disturbing God’s work. There’s no denying this is an act of resisting and rebelling against God. They are purely doing evil. Everyone should have discernment about their behavior. Such people are too arrogant.” After reading this passage, I realized that I was not as kind and good as I had thought. Instead, by the matter that my prejudices against the sister were so deep, it is fully proved that I was very arrogant and self-right. I found fault with her according to my views and looked down upon her, always feeling myself superior to her and better than her in every respect. Although outwardly I did not shut the door on the sister, I had long shut her out from my heart. Through the fellowship, I came to know that my behaviors were the manifestations of my arrogant and self-conceited nature, and that I was rebelling against God, resisting God’s work, and doing evil. Thinking of these, I felt extreme remorse. “O God! May you once again show mercy to me, the obtuse and numb person. May your chastisement and curse come upon me, the deeply disobedient person. I am willing to drop myself, throw off all my notions and views, stand in one accord with the sister and contribute our part to the gospel work. May you remove the obstacles within me.” After I knew the corrupt things—arrogance and self-rightness—within me, when I met the sister again, I no longer felt that she dressed herself improperly or that she spoke in a neither countrified nor citified tone. I found her pleasant to the eye, and I also could properly discuss the clues with her. In this experience, I saw God’s wisdom in working. If it had not been for such an environment, I would not have known my inherent nature at all, and in the end, I would become a person who “sits at the great feast but suffers great hunger” and who is loathed and eliminated by God.
Zhengzhou City, Henan Province