Leaving God, I Suffered a Lot; Chastened by God’s Love, I Turned Back
At the end of 1999, I accepted the end-time work of Almighty God. Motivated by my intent of receiving blessings, I left home to perform my duty. By the end of 2003, seeing that God’s work had not concluded, I had no more enthusiasm to run for my duty and decided to go back home to live my own life. The sister in charge of the work did her utmost to persuade me to stay, and she fellowshipped with me about God’s intention and read me many words of God. But at that time, my heart was already as hard as stone. I thought that the sister was using God’s words to frighten me, and so I insisted on leaving. The sister said, “Do you really press God to do something to you? Will you really refuse to turn back until you hit the wall?” I replied unhesitatingly: “Even if I die, I will die together with my husband and daughter. Let God punish me as he pleases!” So I went home stiff-necked.
After returning home, I intended to live a peaceful and stable life. However, whenever I was seen outside, the villagers gossiped about me and sneered at me; my relatives and friends also stayed away from me. What was more bitter to me was that the families of the several sisters, whose homes were near to mine and who had left home together with me to perform duties, constantly came to my house to press me for these sisters’ whereabouts. And consequently my family had no peace even for one day, my husband resented me, my daughter kept on grumbling at me, and every night I went to sleep with tears. Even so, I still did not know to wake up. I only complained in my heart: If I hadn’t left home to perform my duty because of believing in God, how could my happy and harmonious little family become like this? I thought that I could live a good life after believing in God; I never expected I would suffer such adversities. O God! Why do you treat me this way? At that time, I, a numb person, had lost my reason and did not realize that I was living in the fooling and affliction by satan, the devil, because of my rebelling against God.
After the Spring Festival, my husband did not want to stay at home anymore and went elsewhere to do odd jobs. When he just arrived there, he began to have hematemesis (blood-vomiting). After an examination in the hospital, the doctor said that he had an advanced lung cancer. He came back to our local hospital to have an examination, and the diagnosis gave the same result. The doctor told me: “It is unnecessary to treat this illness. Take him home and get him good food to eat, and attend him with great care, and prepare for his funeral.” These words to me were like a bolt from the blue and I was almost broken. After the several expenses, my small family, which was not rich, suddenly fell into straitened circumstances. Without any cent and with nowhere to borrow money, I, helplessly, watched my husband being tortured by the illness. All day my family were in tears. I could not bear such a blow. Hopeless and helpless, I really wanted to die to end all the sufferings.
One morning, when I just got up, there was a hymn from God’s word ringing faintly in my ears: “The Almighty pities these people who are in deep suffering…. He has to seek your heart and spirit and give you water and food, so that you can regain your consciousness and no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you feel a sense of the desolation of the world, do not feel lost and do not weep. Almighty God, the watcher of mankind, is ready all the time to embrace your coming. He is by your side, waiting for you to turn back, and waiting for the day you will suddenly recover your memory….”
In the face of the motherly callings from God, I hated myself for disobeying God too much, resisting God too much, and grieving God’s heart too much. I couldn’t restrain my tears of indebtedness. I could not but kneel down and bitterly repent to God: “O Almighty God, I was created by your hand and my heart should belong to you, but deceived by satan too deeply I never gave my heart to you. Only for receiving your blessing did I reluctantly offer a little to you. After my desire was shattered, I showed my ugly features. O God, although I was so disobedient and my betrayal hurt your heart badly, your love has not left me. You are still doing the salvation work on me and looking forward to my return to you. When the sister read your word to me, as I recalled, I treated it lightly and thought that she was just to frighten me. Today your words have been fulfilled on me and I now have realized that your every word is the truth and contains your considerate intention of saving man and your eager expectations. O God, though today I have tasted your righteous nature and my flesh has suffered some pain, this is exactly your truest love for me and is the best salvation to me. In your chastisement, I have seen your majesty and wrath, and even more I have seen your love and mercy. O God, no matter whether you remember my transgression or not, I will return to your family and offer up my heart and spirit to you completely. I am willing to dedicate my whole being to your work of spreading the gospel, so as to satisfy your heart’s desire and atone for my indebtedness.”
After I repented and resolved to return to God, my husband was miraculously getting better day by day. Thank and praise God! When I told my husband and daughter about how I rebelled against God, why our family suffered those “misfortunes,” and my decision to leave home again to perform my duty, they both were subdued by God’s almightiness and wonder, and moreover, my daughter also wanted to come out together with me to perform duty for God.
This experience has been engraved on my mind and I will never forget it! In future, no matter whether I receive blessings or misfortunes, I will closely follow in God’s footsteps. No matter how much I suffer, I will never leave God again.
Bengbu City, Anhui Province