236 I Love God More After Undergoing His Judgment
1 Over years of faith in the Lord I often read the Bible yet never understood the truth. I thought giving up everything and working hard meant a person loved God. Through the judgment of God’s words I finally saw my own hypocrisy. I worked and preached only to get the blessing of being raptured into the kingdom of heaven. Though I suffered and expended myself superficially, I was secretly calculating my rewards. Complaining through trials exposed me as selfish and despicable. I was so corrupt, yet believed I loved God and knew no shame. With so many motives and desires, how could I gain God’s approval? I finally saw that through my years of faith in the Lord I had never remotely known God. I prostrate myself and fully repent, I wish to accept judgment and cleansing.
2 Undergoing God’s judgment, I’ve seen that God’s disposition is righteous and tolerates no offense. Always sinning and confession, still living in sin, how could I be worthy of seeing God’s face? Trials and refinement expose my deep corruption, I possess little humanity. I’m full of a satanic disposition, without true repentance I still dream of entering the kingdom of heaven. Being pruned and dealt with, I’m filled with torment, shame, and guilt. I wish to let go of all extravagant desires, to pursue the truth and make myself anew. I am resolved to seek to love God, to suffer any pain to satisfy God. I don’t want status or rewards, I only ask to fulfill my duty so my heart can rest. No matter how great the hardships, even if it means offering up my life, I will be faithful to the very end. Through judgment, I am purified, I love God even more.