My Character Is Too Low
Not long ago, a sister began to lodge with my family. She every now and then brought vegetables to my home and bought snacks for my child. At first my conscience felt quite uneasy about that, but as time went on I got accustomed to it. In this way we lived together as if we were of the same family. I felt that this duty was quite good as I received benefits both in material things and in life. And I made up my mind to satisfy God and be faithful to God.
Some time later, due to the need of the work, the sister was transferred away and another sister came and stayed in my home. But this sister never bought anything when she came back, not to mention buying snacks for my child. Compared with that sister, she was simply too stingy. Gradually, I had a prejudice against her, and I became indifferent to her, showing her no concern.
Once, during my spiritual devotions, in the man’s fellowship attached to Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers, I read these two passages: “…we should not have improper intents on others…, even less can we take any advantage of others.” “Being self-seeking and extremely selfish…, liking to take advantage of others…; being narrow-minded, always thinking about personal gains and losses, and becoming angry and red-faced and blaming heaven and earth when suffering a little loss, is a manifestation of low character.… Anyone who has a low character is a person repulsive and loathsome to all people….”
After reading these words, I got a shock. Am I not such a contemptible person who looks after his own interests and likes to take advantage of others and has a low character? Today, my hosting the sisters is performing my duty as a created being before God. I should take good care of the sisters’ eating, drinking, and living without any terms or demands, so that they can better expend themselves for God. This is my unshirkable obligation. However, though outwardly I was performing my duty, in my heart I had improper intents on the sisters and wanted to take advantage of them and receive benefits from them. When I hosted the first sister, because she often brought things to my home, which quite suited my fleshly desire, I was quite kind to her. The second sister never bought anything, and then I reversed my attitude and treated her unconcernedly like a stranger. Was I performing my duty? I was purely satisfying my own desires under the cloak of doing hosting and was making demands of others in disguised form. My character is really too low, simply too dreadful to look at!
Having thought of this, I felt terribly abashed. I could not help but come before God to pray to him, “O God, thank you that through the transfer of the sisters, you have made me realize the defect in my humanity and the lowness of my character. From now on, I will not have improper intents on others, nor will I take any advantage of others. I will equip myself with more truths concerning normal humanity and get along with others according to the truth. I only wish to perform my duty faithfully toward you.”
Since then, I have been hosting the sister warmly.
Dalian City, Liaoning Province