I was very arrogant and loved to show off. More than once I had offended God in this respect, with the result that my spirit was darkened and my life suffered loss. So, I began to avoid the circumstances where I might show myself off, keeping away as much as possible.
One day, the small-district leader said to me, “Brother X, who coordinated with you in the past, has become passive recently because he encountered illness and does not know how to experience it. You have had similar experience, so I’d like you to go and have some fellowship with him.” When the leader finished speaking, I thought to myself: I won’t go. I’m particularly prone to show myself off, and in the past I was often chastised because of this. Today I won’t go for anything, lest I offend God again in this aspect. Then I told the leader my thoughts. The leader said, “Since you love to show yourself off, isn’t it just to perfect your corruption of this aspect that this matter comes upon you today?” I had nothing more to say and had to agree, but in my heart I still had misgivings and was reluctant to go.
After the leader went, I opened Christ’s Talks with Some Church Workers and read in the man’s fellowship attached to it this passage: “Showing oneself off is a natural expression of arrogance and self-conceit. One who has some experiences or some gifts inevitably shows them off sometimes. This is something involuntary. Not until one’s nature is transformed will he show himself off decreasingly. So, whether in doing work or in performing duty, as long as one has no fear of God within and his heart is far from God, he will naturally have expressions of showing himself off. … The way to solve this problem is to accept God’s searching in everything through prayer. When we have a devout heart within, the problem will be solved. Besides, we should realize that it is totally God’s grace that we have experiences or have some light and knowledge in God’s word; we ourselves have nothing to boast about. When we have really realized this, we will no longer think ourselves superior to others and will be able to treat others properly. If we do work or perform duty under this mentality, we will not show ourselves off. It is unadvisable to be hindered from performing duties by worrying whether we will show ourselves off. We should solve the problem of showing ourselves off while performing duties faithfully. To give up eating for fear of choking is dangerous to one’s life.”
After I read this passage, my misgivings within were dispelled all at once. Showing oneself off is a natural expression of one’s arrogant and conceited nature. To solve the corruption of this aspect, one must spend effort on the truths concerning knowing himself, and realize that he is devoid of any merit, that he has some experiences totally because of God’s grace, and that he is not superior to others and has nothing at all to brag about. When encountering a matter, if he can pray and commit it to God and consciously exalt and testify about God with a devout heart, he will be able to control himself and will not offend God by showing himself off. However, faced with my corrupt state of this aspect, I did not cooperate actively to seek the truth and find a proper way to enter in from the positive side to pursue transformation. Instead, for fear of showing myself off and offending God, I always defended myself passively and tried to escape reality, and I dared not go to have a fellowship with the brother. I thought that by doing so I could avoid showing myself off and would not offend God. I was really self-deceiving and foolish to the extreme. In fact, even if I shunned all such circumstances, my corrupt nature would still remain intact, and eventually I would be eliminated because my life nature is not transformed in the least.
Thank God that his inspiration and guidance has caused me to realize this: It is no way of solving problems to defend oneself passively and try to escape reality; to give up eating for fear of choking will only ruin oneself. In my future experience, I will enter in from the positive side and exert more effort on the truths concerning knowing myself and knowing God. When I encounter things, I will consciously exalt and testify about God with a devout heart and forsake my arrogant and conceited nature, so that I can truly solve my problem fundamentally and can be transformed in my nature soon.
Chifeng City, Inner Mongolia Autonomous Region