God’s word says: “You want money, things, and compliments when you receive God, feel pained when you offer two coppers, and want to be blessed and want to be different from others when you offer ten coppers. Such humanity of yours is simply unspeakable and is intolerable to the ear.” When I read this passage of God’s word in the past, I never examined myself against it and even felt it inconceivable. I thought in my heart, “Everything we have is bestowed on us by God. It is natural to offer it up to God. Those who do that are really devoid of humanity.” But before long, exposed by God, I saw that I myself was exactly such a mean, low, and self-seeking person.
When I began to perform the duty of hosting, only occasionally a few brothers and sisters came to my home for a several-day meeting. At that time, I felt everything was new, and I was very willing to do the hosting work. I remember that at a meeting, I heard that an elderly sister, seeing that the rice in her bucket became less and less because of a long-term reception, got passive. Then I thought, “In God’s family there should still be so stingy a person. It grieved God’s heart too badly! I can afford such a little money and I will not be like her!” Later, however, two sisters came to stay at my home because of the need of the work, and I was asked to host them for a long time, and just in this matter, my lowliness was exposed by God. When I saw the water bill was higher than before, and the daily expenses to buy food and breakfast was far more than usual, and a barrel of mineral water ran out every few days, I felt very bad. Especially when I received the electricity bill and saw the cost was several times higher than before, I felt great pain inside as if a piece of my flesh was cut off from my body, terribly distressed. As a result, my faith declined drastically.
One day, I was cleaning the house, and my heart was still in agony about those expenses. Suddenly, the frame of a photo of my child with me dropped from the table onto the ground and broke into pieces with a crash. I woke up with a start: Yes, why should I think about money all the time? I should not be calculating over this little money. I do hosting just in order to prepare my good deeds. Money is nothing, isn’t it? A few days later, however, I relapsed into my former state and felt my burden was too heavy. I thought, “If my hosting work lasts long and I spend all my money on it, what should I do about my living in the future?” Just when I was trapped by “money” struggling bitterly, God’s word enlightened and inspired me. God’s word says: “Why does God not appreciate you? Why is your nature loathed by him? Why is your speaking hated by him? … You want money, things, and compliments when you receive God, feel pained when you offer two coppers, and want to be blessed and want to be different from others when you offer ten coppers. Such humanity of yours is simply unspeakable and is intolerable to the ear.” God’s word, like a sharp sword, went straight to my heart, and immediately I felt terribly ashamed. Yes! I always said that everything I had was bestowed by God and spending for God was the duty I should do, and that I should not make any plan for my own future and destiny. But once in real situation, I repaid God with disobedience. O Almighty God! Exposed by you, I have seen that my humanity is really too mean and too low, and that my nature is really loathsome to you. My doings have badly broken your heart, and I’m really unworthy of such deep love from you. O God! Thank you for your judgment and chastisement, which have caused me to gain a little knowledge of myself. I’m willing to make this resolution in your presence: I will no longer plan for my flesh; I’m willing to, in real life, take your word as the guide to my action and accept the dealing and pruning from your word, so as to cast off my disobedient nature and be compatible with you.
Fuyang City, Zhejiang Province